Imagines

I Never Want To Lose You..(Mariah)

A/N: So, this imagine is a more serious one and it is a trigger warning to everyone out here that had felt alone. I just want you all to know that you are not alone. I wrote this because a lot of people that I know are very suicidal and I wanted this to be some kind of a message. Every single one of you are worth SO MUCH and you all mean a lot to me, honestly. I love every last one of you to pieces and if you ever need anything just contact me because I've been through a lot of things and I have successfully recovered. I love you guys. Oh, one more thing! Should I continue to do songs with imagines/ Tell me! Thanks for readingg<3

(The song for this imagine is "Breathe Me" by Sia)

*Mariah's POV*

Tears fly from my eyes and down my cheeks as I am sitting down on the king sized bed. I've been crying for the last three hours and I'm at the point where I'm ready to put everything to an end.

I don't want to live anymore. I don't see the point of it. I've been trying to hold on for so long but it seems like the longer I stay, the more I want to go. My life had gotten to the point where I don't even know what to do anymore. I've done just about everything. I've tried to get help and talk to someone but that dosent work. That dosent stop them from talking. I have tried so hard to ignore and just move on but I can't. I've talked to my boyfriend, Justin, but nothing helps. Don't get me wrong, I thank him so much for trying to motivate me to move on and I thank him for everything that he has done for me but I just can't take this anymore.

No one cares about me, no one loves me. The only people who have told me that are Justin and my family but I still find it extremely hard to believe.

I looked at the clock and it was 10:45 p.m. Justin was still at work so I decided to get this over with. I definetly don't want to leave him because I love him so much and he is such a great person but I just can't handle the stress anymore. I can't handle the pain, the hurt, the hassle, the cutting, the crying myself to sleep every night because I know that I am not good enough for anyone. I know that I have Justin but I still feel so worthless. He deserves someone so much better than me and I hope he finds that someone when I'm gone.

Attatched to the ceiling was a ceiling fan which was currently off. I had a rope already tied to it and and at the end of the rope was a loop that was big enough for me to stivk my head through.

I grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen and wrote a note that he would soon find when he arrived home later. I picked up the pen and began writing...

Dear Justin,

I'm sorry that you have to come home to find me like this. I know that you were expecting to come home to a "happy" Mariah but unfortunetly, thats not what happened. The truth is, I am not happy and I havent been for a very very long time. I have been depressed for so many years and I'm just tired of looking at myself in the mirror and feeling tears pool my eyes because I am so worthless. I just wanted to put all of the pain to an end and I didn't want to live anymore. I want you to know that absolutely none of this had to do with you. Justin, you were an amazing boyfriend for the long legth of time that I had you. You were so kind to me and everyone around you and just know that I loved you so much.

After writing the letter, I stood up on the bed and put my head into the small loop...Goodbye world.

*Justin's POV*

I got off of work about 30 minutes ago because my boss let me leave early for today. That was a plus for me because that  meant that I could go home to my beautiful and amazing girlfriend.

I was already outside of the house and I parked my car into the garage. I got out of the car and unlocked the front door, stepping into our house.

"Mariah, I'm home!" I yelled from downstairs as I closed and locked the door.

When I recieved no answer, I assumed that she must be asleep.

I walked up the stairs slowly and quietly and through the dark hallway. I stopped when I made it to the bedroom door. I grabbed onto the door knob and twisted it, sending the door flying open. When my eyes met the horrible sight in front of me, I broke down in tears.

She was hanging from the ceiling fan and her body was shaking. I ran to her and removed the loop from around her neck. Her eyes opened widely and she chocked and gasped for air.

"Mariah! Baby, please, breathe!" I cried and tears feel from my eyes.

How could she do this to herself? I never knew that anything was wrong with her. A bunch of incidents happened a few weeks ago but I made sure to take care of those situations. I made sure that she was okay and she told me that she was.

I sat down on the bed with her in my lap and stroked her soft hair. She had finally caught her breath and then she began screaming and shifting wildly in my arms. "N-NO!!! I W-WANT T-TO DIE!!! L-L-LET M-ME GO!!!" 

Her arms were flailing all over the place and she was kicking, trying to get away. I tried holding her down but her strength was ming blowing. I had never seen her like this before. This is not my sweet, precious Mariah.

"Mariah, please calm down. You're not going anywhere! Shhh..." I said trying to contain myself. It seemed impossible at this point.

"J-J-JUSTIN I W-WANT T-TO GO!" She yelled. Her face was the reddest that I'd ever seen it get and the veins were clearly visible on her neck.

I tried again and with all of my strength, I used my arms to keep hers down. I wrapped my legs over hers and after many feiled attempts of her trying to get away, she gave up and sat still, still crying her eyes out.

"Sweetheart, please calm down, please...I'm here for you." I placed my lips on her forehead and left them there for a good 10 seconds.

She took a deep breath and then spoke. "J-Justin I-I want t-to b-be in a b-b-better place. I-I don't w-want to l-live anymore."

My heart was breaking slowly and this was hurting me so badly. I wasn't there for her when she mose needed me and if I hadn't come home, she would have been gone..

"Mariah, please don't say that. You may not believe me but I love you to the bottom of my heart. You are my life, baby and I never want to lose you." I cooed rubbing her hair.

"N-No everyone h-hates m-m-me! They a-all t-talk about m-me! T-they want m-m-me g-gone so w-why can't I do t-them a favor?" She stammered constantly.

"Mariah, stop!" I said strictly with tears flying down my face. I can't sit here and listen to her talking bad about herself like this. "I don't mean to raise my voice at you but I cannot listen to you say things like that! You are not going anywhere and I'm going to make sure of that! If that means that we have to fight together then thats what we're going to do. Mariah, I will go out of my way just to make sure that you're alright. This is the scariest thing that I could have possibly come home to. I don't want to come home to see the love of my life hanging from a celing?! I don't! I feel like I dont even want to go to work anymore because I'm afraid to leave you alone. I don't want you to try something like this again, baby. I can't live without you.."

Tears were flying down my face and my vision was so blurry due to the liquid clouding my sight. My heart was pounding so fast that I thought it was going to come out of my chest.

"I'm s-so sorry, J-Jay.." She wrapped her arms around my neck and sat on my lap facing me.

"Please don't scare me like this again. If you werent in my life, I don't know what I'd do." I said hugging her body tightly.

"I'm sorry. I-I just f-felt like no o-one was here f-for m-me." She bawled into the crook of my neck.

I kissed her cheek. "I'm here for you whenever you need me, baby. Always. You are so beautiful, Mariah. Don't let immature people try to break you down. You're stronger than that."

She looked into my eyes and nodded. "T-Thank you. I love you."

I kissed her lips for a long time before saying, "I love you more, Mariah."