the end of the fucking world; season 2

five; alyssa

I hold my head high in triumph as I walk out of the court room, my lawyer Tiffany at my side.

She's nice, which I wasn't really expecting for a lawyer, 'cause I thought they'd be a bit like the police - all wankers and that. But she's kind to me and she believes me.

Tiffany said we shouldn't bring up the Polaroid's in my trial, because it wasn't really anything to do with my case since I wasn't being tried for the murder. She promised me that the information would be passed onto James' lawyer so they could use the Polaroid's as evidence, and I believe her, just like she believes me.

And now here I am, walking out of the court room with only a £2,000 fine and two weeks of community service.

I feel proud. I feel relieved. I feel somewhat... happy?

I wince to myself and guilt courses through my veins. Happy, Alyssa? Really? While James is locked away somewhere still facing a murder charge?

James.

My heart quickens as I think about him. It's been somewhere along the four week mark since I saw him now, but DC Noon tells me he's doing okay. But I'm not fucking dumb; I know okay doesn't mean good.

As I walk beside Tiffany, towards the doors of the elevator and then into them, I think about him. I think about how soft his face was, and the way he looked at me that night when we danced, and the way he held my waist when he kissed me. I wonder if I'll ever see him again. Tears prick my eyes.

Tiffany looks at me and smiles. "Are you alright, pet?" She asks, straightening the lapel of her blazer.

"Yeah," I snap back defensively, roughly and quickly wiping away the tear that managed to escape my eye and roll down my cheek.

She just looks at me, her eyebrows knitted together in concern.

When we reach the ground floor and step out into the lobby, my mum and Tony are waiting for me.

"Hello, love," my mum says cheerily, trying to impress me or something. I roll myself and walk straight past her, but she follows me, scrambling to keep up. "Wasn't that just a great result?"

I stop and turn around to look at her, blocking the path for other people, but I honestly couldn't give a fuck. I study my mums features, so like my own, and feel myself begin to soften towards her, only a little. But then my eyes flicker and I look behind her, and I see Tony, with that devilish look in his eyes and a cheeky smirk on his face and the frustration floods right back into me.

"Just leave me alone, mum," I mumble. "I've told you before." I turn on my heel and walk out the door, not sure where I plan on going, because I've nowhere to stay but my Mum's house now that I've been sentenced.

I wander along the street slowly, and when I look back over my shoulder, I notice that they're gone, my mum and Tony, so they really couldn't have given a shit about taking me home anyway. I look down at my shoes as I continue to walk down the street, my eyes filling with tears.

I don't cry. Alyssa doesn't cry.

James was all I had. My dad handed me into the police for money. My step dad is a sleaze ball who bullies me, and my mum loves him too much to see otherwise. She loves him way more than she could ever love me. James was all I had.

Fuck he's all I want.

I stop dead in my tracks, tears blinding my vision and burning my cheeks. I look around me, and I know where I have to go. I know where I want to go.

I take off running. My feet carry me faster than they ever have before, and I'm flying through the streets towards it, towards him. I'm shoving people out my way, desperately clawing at the air in the hopes it will make me go faster, and the tears are flowing down my cheeks, burning my face, and mouth tastes salty and I'm squeezing my eyes closed and-

And then suddenly I'm there.

I look up and see the tall white hospital building. My heart pounds in my chest as I march inside and wipe the tears and snot off my face with the sleeve of my hoodie.

"Can I help you?" The woman at the front desk asks, not taking her eyes away from her computer screen.

"Yeah," I say, trying to stop the shaking in my voice. I ask for him, ask where he is, and she looks up at my finally, taking in my appearance and realising who I am.

"Fifth floor, ask one of the nurses around there."

I don't bother to thank her before I turn around and race towards the stairs. I hammer up them, tiring myself out to the point of dizziness, because I know it will be quicker than using the elevator.

This doesn't feel real. What am I going to do? If he really is up here what am I going to say?

It takes me less than three minutes to reach the top floor, and the first nurse I spot, I run over to as fast as I can. I ask for him again, and she points me in the direction of room 127.

My heart beats so loudly in my chest I'm sure he can hear it from here.

Slowly and carefully, I press my hands against the door of room 127 and push it open. I timidly place my foot inside, as if testing the waters, and crane my neck round the door.

And there he is. Lying there in the bed, asleep, hooked up to some monitor that slides up under his hospital gown and attaches to his chest. I stare at him as he breathes peacefully, his quiet snore filling the air and his lips curved into a sort of soft frown. My mind goes completely blank and all I can do is step inside the room, letting the door fall closed behind me and waking him up the process.

I stop dead in my tracks, wide eyed, as he looks blankly at me, his brain taking longer to wake up than his big curious eyes.

"Alyssa?" He rasps, his throat sounding dry and crackly and his voice sounding confused.

"James," I whisper, barely able to believe what is happening right in front of me. There he is, after all this time. "James." I run towards him and crash into his arms, automatically remembering to be careful of his shoulder, which I'm sure still hurt, and the machine hooked up to his chest.

He wraps his skinny arms around me and I feel him bury his head in my shoulder. Tears flow freely from my eyes, soaking his hospital gown. His smell is so pleasant, so familiar, and his arms feel so safe. This is where I'm meant to be, I know this is where I belong.

"I missed you so fucking much," I say, cradling the back of his head as if he were a baby. James doesn't say anything, so I pull away to look him in the eyes, and I see something I've never seen before.

James' eyes are filled with tears, and he looks confused to what's happening himself as a tear rolls down his cheek and he uses his hand to touch it curiously. He looks at me the way a shy little boy looks at his mother after his first day of school. "Alyssa, I'm scared," he admits quietly, sounding afraid to admit it. "Don't leave me."

"Hey, hey," I say, grabbing him tightly and cuddling him again. "I'm not going anywhere, okay, James? I'm not going anywhere."

******

i don't know if any of you guys like 5 seconds of summer, but if you do please check out my new luke fanfic. even if you don't like them you might still enjoy it! it's based off of catfish and the bottlemen's second album.

thanks for reading :)