Her Last Note

Chapter One: Ellie.

It's been a month since Ellie took her own life. No one understood why she did it when she was loved by so many. She was always happy. She got along with everyone and she made other people feel so loved. I never understood how she could have left me like that. I was confused and emotional. She didn't leave anything behind. No video. No letter. No note. Nothing. It was like if she didn't care to know how we would feel. I used to spend hours staring outside of my window or staring at the ceiling wondering why she did that. Up to this day, I still spend hours trying to figure it out. One day, I was staring out of my window. I saw my memory of her waving up at me from my window. She was wearing that old gray shirt she loved so much. I was lost. Background sounds were faded. The sound of a phone ringing became louder and louder.
  "Sweetie?"
  I jumped and turned around. I was so focused on the memory I just had of Ellie that everything else faded away.
  "Mom you scared me! What did we talk about knocking?" I shouted turning back around to my window.
  "I'm sorry Will but Mrs. Hernandez wants to talk to us downstairs." She said.
  I was confused. Why would Ellie's mom be here? The last time we spoke to her was four weeks ago at Ellie's rosary.
  "What?" I asked.
  "Hurry up and come downstairs. She said it was urgent." She said.
  "Why do I need to go? If it's urgent then only the parents need to talk." I said as I turned back around to look out my window.
  "Will." She said softly.
  "It's urgent because-" she paused briefly.
  "It's about Eleanor." She said.
  I turned around to look at her. I haven't talked about Ellie to anyone for almost a month. I knew I had to hear what she had to say. I followed my mom downstairs and I stopped halfway downstairs. She was sitting there. It was only her. Her eyes were red as if she was crying on her way over to my house. Now I wasn't so sure if I wanted to hear what she was going to tell me. I was just frozen. My mom noticed I stopped.
  "Will? Come on. It's okay. I'll be there with you." She said softly.
  I walked slowly down the last three steps. Mrs. Hernandez saw me.
  "William." She said as she stood up.
  She came over slowly and hugged me. I was confused at this moment. Was there something I missed? I wasn't sure if this was about Ellie anymore. Maybe it was about me?
  "Is everything okay?" I asked.
  "Everything is fine. I just haven't seen you in a while and I wanted to stop by." She said.
  "Oh Mary. I thought you said this was urgent?" Said my mom confused.
  "Yes. I wanted to talk to the both of you about Eleanor-"
  "Ellie?" I interrupted.
  "Yes, Ellie." She said softly.
  "Alright, well let's sit down." Said my mom.
  "Over the month, I have been packing all of Ellie's things in boxes. Pieces by pieces. It's been very hard to just walk in her room. But I had to do it someday." She paused. Her eyes became watery. My mom got up and sat next to her. She held her hand and placed her left arm over her. I just sat there. I kept wondering what it was she needed to tell me. "Anyways, I'm sorry." She said as she continued. "I was going through her things. I began to clean out her room and I came across cleaning under her bed-" She reached inside her purse and pulled out an envelope. "And I found this." She said.
  She showed my mom the envelope. They both looked up at me. She slid over the envelope and I picked it up off the table. I looked at the envelope and froze. It had my name.
  "Honey? Do you know why your name is on there?" Asked my mom.
  I was still shocked. No words came out of my mouth. I was silent. I only nodded my head no. I was questioning everything. Why did Ellie have a letter addressed to me? Why and when did she write this? How come she never gave it to me? Once again the background sounds faded.
  "Will?" Said my moms voice faded.
  "Will? Are you okay?" Said Mary as her voice got louder.
  I resumed back to the present. I looked at them. I didn't know what to say.
  "Huh?" I said.
  "Do you know why-"
  "No I don't. I'm confused myself." I interrupted.
  "Oh. Well I-"
  "Can I go to my room? I need to think." I said interrupting once again.
  "Oh sure honey." Said my mom softly.
  I got up from the couch quickly and ran upstairs. I entered my room and placed the letter on my desk. I couldn't open it.  I didn't know how long I stared at the white envelope. I wasn't ready to read what it had to say. I didn't want to know if it was a goodbye letter. I just couldn't do it. I only had an idea. I needed to tell the group. Before Ellie left, we had a group of friends we only trusted. In the group it was Rosie, Ora, Tony, Max, Ellie and I. Most of us have been friends since middle school but Ellie and I have been friends since we were nine. I missed her. It all happened so quickly. I took out my phone and texted the group. I told them we needed to meet up at the park. They never asked questions. They just replied with a simple "okay." I told my mom I was going to the park with the group and left anyway. Even though I had a car, I decided to just walk to the park. I needed air anyway. While I was walking, memories of when Ellie and I would sneak out to go to the park came rushing all at once. I began to remember all the laughs and stupid jokes we had made together. It was still hard to believe that my best friend of seven years was gone. I began to think about the letter. What was I going to tell the group? How was I going to tell them? I kept going over the conversation with them in my head while I was walking to the park. When I got there, Rosie and Tony were sitting at the nearby table. After I arrived, five minutes later, Ora and Max arrived.
  "What's so urgent that you needed to tell us?" Asked Ora.
  "Yeah Will? My mom yelled 'twenty minutes top Roseleen!' Of course I yelled okay back." Said Rosie.
  "Will?" Asked Tony.
  "You alright man?" Asked Max.
  "Guys-" I paused.
  "What?" They all said at once.
  "Remember how a month ago we were all pissed at Ellie because she didn't leave anything behind?" I asked.
  "Will, we shouldn't be talking about this." Said Ora with her southern accent.
  "No Ora, I'm serious-"
  "Will so am I! I don't want to talk about this! Ellie-"
  "Wrote me a letter." I shouted at her. They all looked at me confused.
  "What do you mean?" Asked Tony.
  "I didn't know either. Mary-"
  "Mary?" Asked Max.
  "Ellie's mom." I said.
  "What about her?" Asked Rosie.
  "She came to my house and gave it to me. Guys, it was still sealed and unopened." I said.
  "Did you open it?" Asked Max.
  "I couldn't guys. I already know it's a goodbye letter and I can't do it." I said.
  "So if she left a letter-" Ora paused for a second.
  "Then what else did she behind?" Said Rosie, finishing Ora's sentence.
  "What if Ellie didn't really tell us everything that was going on?" I said.
  "Meaning?" Asked Tony.
  "What if something happened that lead her to do this to herself?" I said.
  "So you're saying we should go detective on our best friends suicide?" Asked Ora.
  "Sounds crazy but yes." I said.
  "Alright. We're in." Said Max.
  We began to discuss a plan. The plan was Rosie, Ora, Tony and Max needed to talk to as many people as they could in order to find answers. In the meantime, I was supposed to go to Ellie's house and search her room. Maybe she took notes on her phone or journal about what was happening. I went home after we talked about the plan and went to sleep. The next morning, I got up and got ready for school. Fifteen minutes before I left to pick up everyone, I picked up Ellie's letter. I still couldn't open it. I stared at it once again and placed it back on my desk. I went to sleep that night not being able to sleep, my head wasn't in the right space. I left to pick up the group so we could go to school and begin the plan. I went by my usual routine and picked them up in order. First, Rosie then Tony. After Tony, it was Max and finally Ora. It was nothing but silence in the car. I couldn't handle it. I pushed the button for the radio and that's when we all froze. Ellie's favorite song played. An acoustic version of "Waste of Time by Nathan Ball."  Rosie, who was sitting in the passenger seat, turned up the radio. Ora began to sing along with Max and Tony.
"We've gone down a road. And it's hard to know lady, if you're gonna make it. You should get away some time. We're gone down a road. And it's hard to know lady, if you're gonna take it. This was just a waste of time. I've been driving round all night." They all sang. I couldn't help myself but tag along. "I said some things I should've kept in. But I wish I knew what you were thinking. You said that night I should've kissed you. Don't treat it like you didn't want to."
  I sang. When I sang that part, it reminded me of a time when I was alone with Ellie. When boy and girl friendships grow older, they tend to get feelings for each other. That's what happened with Ellie and I. She knew I had a crush on her because I was confident about it. Meanwhile, it was hard for me to understand if she felt the same way. She would always tell me she wish she knew what I was thinking. One night she even told me I should've kissed her. Looking back at it now, I wish I could have. The song continued playing when we arrived at school. Right when I was about to turn off my car, Rosie grabbed my arm. I turned to look at her.
  "Don't." She said. She let my arm go. She looked up at the school. "Let the song finish." She said.
  We sat in the car for an extra minute and a half until the song finished. I took the key out of the ignition and locked the car doors.
  "Guys remember about the plan." I said.
  "Yeah ask people if they knew anything that lead to this." Said Ora.
  After an entire eight hours of school, we went to the park after school.
  "Alright so what did you find out?" I asked.
  "Nothing. People said she was normal to them." Said Rosie.
  "Same here. People kept saying there wasn't anything different." Said Max.
  "Surely there's something wrong." Said Ora.
  "Maybe we wouldn't need the stupid plan if Will just opened the letter. Maybe she explained everything on there and-"
  "LOOK MAN I CAN'T! IT'S NOT EASY, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT!" I yelled at Tony. I grabbed my backpack and left.
  "Will wait!" Shouted Ora.
  I got in my car and started it. My eyes got watery while I was driving home. I began to think about Ellie. I pulled the car over and leaned my head back. Usually it's rare to see a guy crying but I couldn't help it. I missed her. I missed hearing her laugh in the passenger seat. I missed watching her horrible dancing. I just missed every atom of her. I let myself finish and finally went home. Once again I fell asleep when I got home. From there, the same routine happened. Get up, change for school, pick up friends, head to school, do worthless eight hours, find and figure out answers, go home and sleep. It was like that for an entire two weeks. I was beginning to lose hope. I was beginning to question if I was ever going to find out why Ellie did this to herself.
One day, I did the same routine in the morning when I got a text message from Ora. She said she found out something and we needed to meet quickly. Finally, something was going to go right. We decided not to go to school and met at the park instead. I walked to the park and when I got there I freaked. Everyone was there. So was another person everyone calls "Lonely Sydney."
  "Alright what's going on?" I asked.
  "You're gonna wanna hear this." Said Tony.
  "Tell him Syd." Said Max.
  "Okay. About a month and a half ago, I was sitting alone after school waiting for my grandma to pick me up. I heard the schools front doors open and I looked up and it was Ellie. She looked like she had just finished crying. She came over and sat at a decent distance. I continued to read my book and I saw her from the corner of my eye, she was looking at me. I looked up at her and I asked her if she was okay. She told me everything sucked and she didn't want to be around anymore. I asked her why and she asked me for advice-"
  "Advice?" Asked Rosie.
  "But you asked her why and she asked for advice?" Said Max.
  "Guys let her finish!" Said Ora.
  "Go ahead." I said.
  "Anyways, she asked me for advice and I asked her on what. She asked me what do I do when people bully me-" she paused.
  We all looked at each other. Bullying? Ellie? We didn't understand. How could someone bully another sweet person that got along with everyone she met.
  "I was shocked. I didn't understand at first. I told her that I just ignored it because me listening to them wasn't going to solve anything. I just needed to know if I was doing anything wrong. If I wasn't then I can go on about with my life." Said Sydney as she finished her story.
  "And then what happened?" Asked Ora.
  "Nothing much honestly. She just thanked me, smiled and walked away. In that moment I realized, she was broken." She said.
  "Broken?" I asked.
  "Yeah. Like she was torn apart. She was done with everything." She said.
  "When did you talk to Ellie about this?" I asked.
  She looked at all of us. I was hoping it wasn't the day she died.
  "A week before she did it." Said Sydney. I had relief and I knew the others did too. 
  "Okay. We now know Ellie was being bullied. We need to find out if it was online or it was face to face." Said Rosie.
  "Did you know anything Syd-"
  "Face to face." Said Syd.
  "What?" I asked.
  "I saw her one time. I was at my locker when it happened. Her locker was about five or six lockers away from mine. Well Ulyana Pane came up to her and pushed her against the locker. Ellie told her to leave her alone and of course she didn't. She saw Ellie had her lunch in her locker and she took it out, threw it on the floor and they stepped on it."
  "They? Who's they? There was more than one person?" I asked.
  "It was Ulyana Pane, Clarissa Clark, Abigail Foster and Olivia Garcia." She said.
  Rosie took out her notepad and wrote everything Syd just told us.
  "Okay what happened next?" I asked.
  "After her food was crushed, Ulyana picked it up and threw it on her-"
  "Wait a minute. Will, is she talking about the day Ellie told us she 'tripped' and dumped all her PB and J on her?" Asked Max.
  "Did Ellie have peanut butter and jelly on her shirt, face and hair?" I asked Syd.
  She nodded her head yes. We all looked at each other in shock. Why would Ellie lie to us especially? Maybe she was embarrassed. How could I have been so dumb to believe her?
  "Will?" Asked Rosie.
  "What do we do now?" Asked Max.
  "Okay we're going to-"
  "Wait a minute, what about Ulyana? What are we going to do with her?" Asked Tony.
  "Wait a minute. Syd you said Ellie was at her locker the day this happened, right?" I asked.
  "Yes?" Said Syd.
  "Ellie's locker is in the main hall." I said.
  "Meaning?" Asked Tony.
  "Meaning there's security cameras everywhere in the main hallway." I said.
  "If we all go to the principles office and ask them to look at the security cameras for that day. We have proof of bullying." Said Rosie.
  "And we have a witness." Said Ora pointing at Syd.
  "Okay tomorrow we're going to the principles office. It's going to be a long process but we need this. For Ellie." I said.
  We all agree and left home. When I was walking home I heard someone call my name.
  "WILL!"
  I turned my head and saw it was Tony.
  "Yeah?" I asked.
  "Look man, I'm sorry about pushing you to read the letter. I know you and Ellie were best friends and you shouldn't be rushed if you're not ready." He said as he tapped my back.
  "Thanks Tony." I said as I walked away.
  Once I got home, I opened the front door and stood frozen. Mrs. Hernandez was sitting on my couch once again.
  "Will? Can we talk to you?" Asked my mom.
  "About?" I asked.
  "Eleanor?" Said Mary, Ellie's mom.
  I take a seat on the couch as they both watch me.
  "What about Ellie?" I asked.
  "Well after I gave you the letter, I found only one letter for me. That was it. Just two letters, yours and mine." She said.
  "What are you saying?" I asked.
  "Ellie only left us letters. This meant she left something behind. I read mine and I was hoping I could read it to you?" She said.
  "I-I don't know." I said stuttering.
  "Will it's okay. I'm here." Said my mom.
  I looked at Mary and nodded my head yes. She took the letter out of her purse. She opened it and began to read out loud,
"Dear Mom,
Do you remember the times when we would make pancakes together in the mornings? Will would come over and he would record us making the kitchen a huge mess. What about the times we went shopping and constantly tried on clothes that we never bought? Or the times when dad would pull us into dancing in the kitchen? What about the time when "Waste of Time" came on the radio and we both would sing to the top of our lungs? We always acted like if we were so good at singing but we were so awful. Remember the times when you pretended to not know when I snuck out to Wills house so I could go to his awesome treehouse? You would ask me where I was the next morning and when I would tell you I was in my room, you would smile. All of our laughs, jokes and memories will forever be written in sharpie; permanent. Moments like all the fun times we had are the memories you should remember. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for doing this to you. I know how heartbroken you and dad are. I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you about what happened to me. I guess I was just too embarrassed to say anything to you guys. I bottled everything up because I thought you guys wouldn't understand. I know I disappointed you and dad. I know you both will never be able to forgive me. I need you both to know, I didn't do this to hurt anyone. I did this because I couldn't handle so much pressure. At some point I was happy mom. I really was. But things began to happen everywhere around me and I had never felt so alone. You always told me I could talk to you about anything and so did Will. But being a teenage girl made me feel alone and depressed. Nothing was your fault mom. Nothing. This was my decision. Again, I'm so sorry. I want you to remember me as the happy, cheerful Ellie. Not the Ellie who was depressed and did something unforgivable. I'll be watching over you and dad, mom. Please never forget, I love you both so much. I love you so, so, so much.
Ellie."
  All of our eyes were red. I cried. I got up from the couch and ran to my room.
  "WILL!" Shouted my mom.
  I entered my room, slammed my door and locked it. I couldn't remember much other than sleeping it off. When I woke up, I checked the time and it was five-thirty in the morning. I unlock my door and go downstairs to the kitchen. I saw my mom making coffee.
  "Will? What are you doing up this early? I was supposed to be waking you up in two hours." She said.
  I stayed silent. I wanted to talk to my mom about Ellie but I didn't know what to say.
  "Will? Honey, are you okay?" She said.
  "I miss Ellie, mom." I said.
  She pulled her cup of coffee away from her mouth. She put her mug down on the countertop. She stayed silent this time.
  "I miss how we used to sneak out to go to the park. Her awful dancing and singing. Her horrible but funny puns." I said as I chuckled.
  "I know how you feel Will." She said softly.
  I looked up at her. She was looking down at her mug.
  "What do you mean?" I asked.
  She went around the countertop and sat next to me while holding her cup of coffee.
  "When I was around your age, I had a friend name Erica. Erica and I did everything together. We went everywhere together too. We told each other everything. Literally just like sisters. Anyways I turned eighteen and a month later Erica did too. Three months after Erica turned eighteen, she took her own life. I was so angry. I never understood why she would do that. I thought she was so happy because she was only always positive. I stayed angry at everything and everybody. I was lost. Then one day I met a girl name Mary Foster."
  "Ellie's mom." I said. She nodded her head and continued her story.
  "She brought me back. Mary helped me find out why Erica did it. Turns out Erica had kept a journal. She wrote everything down. She was bullied and sexually harassed at school. One day we were at a party in high school and she showed up. It was our senior year party. Everyone went. She began drinking. She was drunk but she remembered everything. A boy took advantage of her. Nobody knew until after the party. When the school year started, people called her names in the hallway and would leave her disturbing notes in her locker. She couldn't take it anymore and that's why it happened. I forgave Erica because I didn't know. I missed her so much. Even up to this day." She said. She wiped her eyes and took a sip of her coffee.
  "I'm sorry mom." I said as I reached in for a hug.
  "Will, I know you're trying to figure out why Ellie did this to herself." She said.
  "How?" I said.
  "Going to the park with your friends everyday after school. I've seen you staring at the unopened envelope for minutes possibly hours. I'm sorry Will. I know you miss her." She said.
  I hugged my mom because I felt like that's all I needed. I finally felt a sense of relief after a while. I needed to work harder to find out why Ellie did this.