Her Last Note

Chapter Four: Finding Peace.

  The next morning, I headed to Ellie's house and rang the doorbell. The door opened slowly.
"Will?" She said softly.
"Hi Mary. I was hoping I could talk to you about Ellie?" I asked.
She widened the door space and I enter the house. I sat on the couch and we sat in silence for about a minute.
"So what did you want to say?" She asked.
I began to tell her about everything that happened between Ellie and Ulyana. I even told her how she felt trapped between her and her ex-husbands divorce. I gave her every single detail about the conversation with Ulyana. She was shocked and her eyes were watery.
"How could I have not noticed?" She whispered.
"None of us did. We all blame ourselves." I said.
"I know but I'm her mother. I feel awful that I couldn't speak to her." She said.
"I-I left out a small detail. I haven't told anyone about it." I said.
"Well what is it?" She asked softly.
"Ellie and I." I said.
"Okay?" She said.
"Last summer, we were up in my treehouse and we kissed. We dated for a little while and-"
"Wait! You were the boy who Ellie was spending her entire summer with?" She asked.
"Yes, I'm sorry-"
"No don't apologize. I want to thank you!" She said.
"Wait what?" I asked.
"You made Ellie so happy. Even though she never told me who it was, I knew for sure she so overly crazy about him. I'm so glad it was you William. I don't think any other boy would be right for my daughter other than you. Thank you." She said.
"Wait Ellie never told you she was seeing someone?" I asked.
"No she did, she just never told me what boy it was. I know you had a huge crush on Ellie. She told me herself. But when she started seeing a boy, I'll admit, I was kind of upset it wasn't you. But now that I know it was you, I couldn't be more happier." She said.
I smiled at her and told her I had to head home. We both stood up and gave each other a tight hug.
"Can I tell you something else? I haven't told anyone about it." I said.
"Of course." She said softly.
"About a month ago, I was walking home from the park. I was looking down and when I looked up, I saw her." I said.
"Saw who?" Asked Mary.
"Ellie." I whispered.
Her eyes opened wide and stood there in shock. Her mouth began to open in shock.
"Are you okay?" I asked her.
"Was she wearing a white short dress?" She asked.
"Yes-"
"And was her hair waved and the right side was pulled back by-"
"A rose?" I finished her sentence.
"Yes!" She said.
"You saw her?" I asked.
"I did." She smiled.
"I was far away but I knew from the moment I saw her, it was her." I said.
"I saw her in her room. She talked to me. She whispered that she loved me. She then told me she hopes I forgive her. Then she reached out to touch me with her left hand. Then tears came down my cheek like a waterfall coming down a cliff. I felt her. I felt her touch. It was like she was still here. She told me it was going to be okay. I wanted to feel her again. I wanted to hug her. She whispered and told me it was okay to touch her. When I did, I hugged her. I felt her hair against my skin. I felt her tight squeeze against my body. I felt her soul present." She said as she cried.
My eyes became watery and I gave her a hug. In that moment when she said that, I wished the same could've happened to me. I just want to hear her voice once again. It doesn't even have to be her voice, it could be a smile. Her beautiful smile. I just missed every atom of her. I came back to reality and told her I had to go. Mary told me it was great talking to me and she hopes to see me soon. I drove back home in complete silence. I checked my phone and it was barely two twenty-six in the afternoon. I go inside and asked my mom if I could talk to her about something.
"What is it? Are you okay?" She asked softly.
"I just need to get some things off of my chest." I said.
"Okay? Well, what is it?" She said.
"Last summer, Ellie and I kissed and eventually dated. One night we were just talking like normal in my room and I forgot what she said that made us both laugh so hard. But we ended up kissing and we made out-"
"Wait were you guys dating already? Like during this period you telling me?" She asked.
"Yeah." I said.
"Okay, go on." She said.
"Well she got on me and took off her hoodie. Then she took off my shirt but it got stuck on my head and we both laughed really hard. After we finally removed my shirt, we ended up doing it." I said.
"So you both dated, spent all of your time together, made out constantly, did it and then?" She asked.
"Then-"
"Wait a minute! Where did this happen? Tell me you both were safe." She said.
"Yes mom, we were both safe but your missing-"
"I know what you mean Will, but I will not continue this story until you tell me where it happened." She said demanding me.
"Mom does that even-"
"Yes Will, it matters! I just want to know if you both were comfortable-"
"Oh my gosh! Mom-"
"Will! Just tell me before I start guessing-"
"My room." I said quickly.
"Okay, you can continue." She said.
"Anyways, then she told me she loved me. I would tell her every day since we got together. Even before but that was always friendship wise, you know? This was different. We were in a relationship. We were actually boyfriend and girlfriend, this 'I love you' meant everything. Then I constantly talked about how we were going to tell Rosie, Ora, Max and Tony but she didn't want to. She said it wasn't right. She thought it would be too weird. At first it kind of got me mad. I didn't know what to say. After she said that, we dropped the subject. Then August came around and school was around the corner and Ellie broke it off. We both knew it wasn't right. She told me if things became awkward, it was because of her and I shouldn't blame myself. But that's exactly what I did mom. I blamed myself because I stopped talking to her for two weeks. I was just so mad at her. I didn't think she was going to break it off. I thought we were going to secretly date. But she ended up breaking my heart. I gave myself space and we ended up talking again. She came up to me and she smiled and I laughed. Then we hugged it out and that's when we remained friends." I said.
"I'm sorry Will. I wished you guys could've lasted longer. If it makes you feel any better, just know Ellie truly loved you. No girl would ever spend all her time with a boy unless she's in love. Trust me, I know from experience." She said as smiled. She stood up from the kitchen chair and patted my back. The only thing I heard were her heels tapping against the ground as she was walking away. I stood up and went to my room. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and texted the group. I told them we all needed to talk. I figured it was time for me to talk about what happened between Ellie and I. Of course, we all decided to meet at the park. I decided to walk. I felt like I needed the time. I took my time walking. Usually it takes me about ten minutes to get to the park from where I live. Every time I walk, it always helped me think. I never look up from my feet when I walk but this time it was different. I looked up and stopped. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I was seeing right. As my vision cleared, I was shocked. It was her. It was really Ellie. She was still wearing that white dress with her hair all wavy. She began walking towards me as I did the same. My heart was beating so fast. It was like she was still alive. She began walking faster towards me, until she eventually started running. I was still walking. She came closer and closer and closer by seconds. That's when it happened. She jumped on me as I carried her legs around my waist. I didn't think I could feel something so beautiful. Her soft skin. Her dark brown hair. Her beating heart. Just her in general. I put her down and she hugged me. My eyes were nothing but watery. She grabbed my hand and put it on her cheek. In that moment, I felt a tear coming down my face. I finally felt her once again. I hugged her and I felt nothing but her arms around me. I could hear her breathing. I felt her beating heart. I felt her smile. In that moment, right then and there, it was perfect. Nothing else mattered but that moment. She released from the hug and looked at me.
"I love you." She whispered.
I began to cry. It had been so long since I heard Ellie's voice. Since I heard her say those words to me. Since I last saw her smiling.
"I love you too. A-And I miss you-"
"Shh, shh, shh, shh. It's okay." She said as she grabbed my face. She began pulling me in closer to her face. In the speck of the universe, our lips touched. Something I never thought would ever happen again, once again, resurfaced. After we pulled away, we both looked at each other and smiled.
"C'mon, let's take a walk to the park." She said as she pulled my arm. We walked together slowly. Our hands were intertwined. I never wanted to let go. Never.
"Will?" She said.
"Yeah?" I said.
"I'm sorry. For everything." She said with with a crackling voice.
"It's ok-"
"No it's not. I left you hanging because I couldn't talk to anyone. It's not okay that you don't see me anymore. It's not okay that we don't go to your awesome treehouse. It's not okay that I broke you." She said with tears coming down her face.
"Don't apologize-"
"But I am. I apologize for everything. I miss you so much. Sometimes I wish I never did this to myself-"
"Hey, hey, hey! Stop. Yeah you messed up but it's okay. Everyone understands that you're sorry-"
"But that's not the point Will. The point is, did you understand? Did you forgive me like everyone else did? I see that you haven't even opened the envelope I sent you." She said.
"Ellie don't." I said.
"It's been two months Will. When you read it, I want you to be prepared. It's okay to be afraid that it's a goodbye. Take your time. If you don't forgive me, that's okay. It takes time. Eventually, you'll be able to finally once again breathe." She whispered.
I looked at her as she smiled at me. She moved out of the way for me to finally arrive at the park. I walked passed her and looked back. Before I knew it, she was gone.
Once I finally got to the park, the group was there waiting.
"Hey Will, what took you so long?" Asked Ora.
"I walked." I said.
They all nodded there heads and we sat in silence. No words, nothing to say. Eventually, the silence was broken.
  "Guys" paused Rosie.
  "Yeah?" We asked.
  "What do we do now that this is over? Do we just forget Ellie?" She asked.
  "Never." Said Tony grabbing her hand.
  "I have a confession to make." Said Ora.
  "What is it?" Asked Max.
  "Remember that time when Ellie was going to the dance with us and she wanted to wear her converse?" She said.
  "Yeah?" We said.
  "I was the one who threw them away because I knew Ellie could be so much more. It was her time to shine and I told her about her converse and I don't think she forgave me." She said.
  "She forgave you. Besides she got a new pair and she was happy." Said Max patting her back.
  "I also have a confession." I said.
  "Another one? What is this secrets and confessions?" Asked Max.
  "Shut up Max! Continue Will." Said Rosie.
  "I always had a huge crush on Ellie." I said.
  "Really? We had no idea." Said Tony sarcastically. Rosie tapped his elbow and made sure he shut up.
  "Well Ellie and I swore we would never tell anyone about it." I continued.
  "About what?" Asked Ora.
  "About her and I." I said. Everyone looked at me confused.
  "Well what happened?" Asked Rosie.
  "Remember last summer when Ellie and I were always busy?" I said making air quotes.
  "Yeah? Why?" Asked Tony.
  "That was the summer Ellie and I fell in love. It all happened when I invited her over to my treehouse. It was casual at first and she began playing slow songs and asked me to dance with her. Obviously I said yes. So we were there, slow dancing and she kissed me. She backed away quickly and told me she had to go. I grabbed her hand and told her not to leave. I went closer to her and kissed her. We began to make out and we just slept in the treehouse. We didn't do anything. The next day, she told me she liked me more than a friend. After that we spent all of our time together-"
  "Basically a summer fling?" Asked Max interrupting me. I nodded my head yes and continued my story.
  "-anyways and then there was this one time when we were talking about how we were going to tell you guys about us and she said we couldn't because it would be weird. That night, all we did was talk. Then we made out. Then-" I paused and sighed.
  "Will?" Asked Rosie.
  "You and Ellie?" Said Ora.
  "We slept together. I didn't mean for it to happen but it just did. After that she was just in love with me just like I was in love with her. School was around the corner and that's when we both knew it wasn't right. Ellie-"
  "Wait a minute? Where did you guys-" paused Rosie.
  "My room." I said.
  "Shut up and hold all questions until the end! Continue Will." Said Ora.
  "-Ellie was the one who ended it. She ended it two days before senior year started. She told me she was sorry for doing this to me and if things became awkward, it was her fault not mine. She continued to tell me that none of what happened was a mistake. We just couldn't risk our friendship being ruined by something we did. I agreed and that's when we promise to never tell anyone. After that we didn't speak for two weeks until she came up to me. She stopped by my locker holding her white binder and smiled at me. I looked at her and smiled back. We laughed and hugged it out. After that Ellie and I went back to being best friends. I wanted to talk to you guys about it but I promised Ellie. I'm sorry guys." I said.
  Rosie grabbed my hand and smiled. I looked up at her and noticed her eyes we watery.
  "Will, you didn't have to tell us anything. I'm sorry you and Ellie ended so early. That was the summer Tony and I got together. That was even the summer Ora and Max got together. Don't be ashamed you didn't tell us. We respect your privacy. But honestly to be fair we kind of already knew you guys would become a thing. I mean look at you both. Constant flirting, kissing each other's cheeks, Ellie wearing your cloths, you taking her hoodies. You guys were each other's soulmates." Said Rosie.
  "Yeah and besides, you know Ellie only loved you, Will. I think we all know she meant it when she said what happened between you guys wasn't a mistake." Said Ora patting my back.
  "Yeah and dude, even though she's not here, she's always besides us. If she was here we all know who would be the first person she'd end up with." Said Tony as we all laughed.
  "We know you promised Ellie that you wouldn't say anything but just so you know, you're not breaking her promise. You can't break a promise when people already knew about it. Ora's right, what happened between you guys wasn't a mistake. Never was and never will be." Said Max as he stood up.
  "We know you've felt like we're not there for you since Ellie is gone but always remember you do have us. You can talk to us whenever you want about anything. Never forget, we love you Will." Said Rosie as she stood up to.
  They all gave me a sandwich hug. We all had tears in our eyes. Finally after months, I felt pressure lifted off my shoulders. After a while, a long while, I could once again finally breathe.