Dear R,
There's no way that I can say this to your face and I highly doubt you'll ever find about it but, I loved you. Yes, I know, corny, dumb, annoying. For a long time I had loved you. I loved your smile, the way you debate the way you should keep your hair even though it's perfect. I love the way you make others smile and me laugh. Anytime I'm down or just depressed you don't even take a millisecond to say something that makes me laugh.
I loved that you text me late at night just to say dumb stuff and I love that you send me dumb snaps and how you read me like a book sometimes.
I know we don't hang out alone because of your sister being my best friend too and how you're a guy and I'm a girl and stuff but, sometimes when we have alone moments it's beautiful.
It hurts a lot keeping this in and I can only think of so many terrible outcomes. I used to wonder, what if I told you? Would you understand? Or would this be over?
Every body says tell him, let him know, you never know. But, our friendship, our meaning, our relationship means too much to me. If I lost you...You mean too much to me.
It used to hurt a lot when you spoke about the girls you like to me because I know I'll never be them and it clarifies you don't see me the way I did. You see me like a sister. But, I don't care. I loved you and I will always wish the best for you even if your best means it's not with me. I'll encourage you and stick by your side even if you can't be near mine.
You know, I remember some instances where you made my heart flutter and I'll speak to you through this letter. I remember when a long time back I was leaving and you hugged me from behind a goodbye. My heart was beating like crazy at our closeness and everything felt alright in your arms.
I remember when I was crying because I had a migraine at your house and when everyone was surrounding me you looked so upset. Even though I wanted to kill my head for hurting, I couldn't help but smile. You even cracked a joke after and it made me feel alright.
I remember when I stayed over at your house one time and you were watching something. I climbed into your bed and laid next to you, watching the video. I can't lie but, all I could focus on was you. I bet you don't remember any of that.
I don't think you'll ever know or realize how much I thought of you but, it's okay.
I remember that one night you told me that when we were younger you had a crush on my sister. I can't tell you that broke my heart but, it's okay. I'm not writing this to tell you that you hurt me sometimes. I'm trying to tell you that even though I went through that stuff, I still cared about you.
I honestly loved you. I know whats love? How do you know? But i guess my heart thought this is love.
You talk to me at night all the time and although it may meant nothing to you it makes me smile. And I don't want you to think that I'm obsessed or crazy about you. I did love you a lot but, at the end of the day.
My happiness lies in yours. I got over you. I will try my best to. Because that's what a best friend does. I love you. Guess I'll learn how to love you differently.
I know this letter is going on forever but, I want you to know. Even though I still harbor strong feelings for you, I think I'm falling out of love.
Thank you. Sincerely,
Your well wisher
