Aftermath

Chapter Eighteen - Starting New

- Johns pov -

Work had been keeping me busy the last couple of weeks, every night I come home only to be met with silence and darkness, I constantly drowned myself in whiskey and crappy take out food unless Brooke was here, she'd cook for me and poured the liquor down the drain. We'd grown a bit closer after I finally opened up to her, I'd told her stuff that I'd never even told Katie before, it kind of felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, like I could finally breath. Once in a while she would call and check in and let me know how the baby is doing, she has been asking if I would go with her to find out the gender of the baby, I just couldn't bring myself to agree, every time I seen her I just hated myself even more than before, I've turned into someone I don't even recognize. She had suggested that I see a shrink, I laughed her off but took her advice, it was helping me cope with all the mistakes I've made. I had texted Katie apologizing because she refused to take my calls or meet me in person anymore, I didn't blame her though, I had been horrible to the both of my girls. Brooke always told me that it wasn't to late to try and make amends and start new, she said that she's giving up on Brendon because she doesn't want to hurt him anymore, she said that maybe this was God giving us a second chance to get things right, I wanted to believe her.

I was brought out of my thoughts by my cellphone ringing, I felt like my eyes were playing tricks on me when I seen Sutton's name pop up on the caller id. "Hello?" I answered hesitantly. "Hey..." she sounded like she was unsure, it sent a pang of guilt through me. "Is everything okay, Button?" She let out a long sigh. "Yeah, I just wanted to tell you myself... I got into NYU." The pride swelled in me, my little girl had gotten into an amazing school! "That's amazing! I'm so proud of you, I knew you could do it." "Thanks... I'm not sure if I'm going to go though..." "Why not? If you need money, I can pay for it." I had hoped that she'd let me pay for it, I could at least do that for her. "No, it's not that... I don't think I want to do business anymore." I knew that she had never truly been interested in following in my footsteps but a father could only hope. "What did you want to do then?" "I got a trial contract with Ford Modeling." Modeling? My little girl a model? What the hell?! How the hell? I knew she was beautiful but I'd never imagine that she'd be interested that kind of toxic career. "Button, modeling is so dangerous..." "How?" "They make you starve yourself to fit their image of fit, don't you see all those girls who end up in rehab with eating disorders or drug habits." "I'll be fine, I'm going to give it a shot." "I'm sure your mom knows, right?" "Of course, she's on the fence about it but at the end of the day it's my choice, I am an adult now. I'll finish high school but I'll be moving to New York with Collin so I can pursue it." "With Collin? Are you two serious?" "Yeah, we have been for a while now. He's not that creepy kid we had seen him be at the picnic for your work, he was just trying to get my attention. He treats me good." That's all I could ask for, I had no right to say anything anymore. "As long as you're happy." "I am." This was the longest conversation that we've had in years, it makes me sad to admit that it was all my fault. "I've got to go." She said breaking the silence, I didn't want to hang up though. "Okay, congratulations. I'm really proud of you, I know that means nothing to you but I am." "Thanks... Bye." "Bye, Button." The call ended and the loneliness set in, I was happy that she called me and told me the news herself, it just told me that she still cared even if it's just a little bit.

Heading to the fridge I pulled the whiskey out, I wanted to drown my emotions and go to bed without any dreams. "Please don't drink it." Quickly turning around, Brooke was standing by the door with her suitcase behind her, I smiled and set it back in the fridge. "What are you doing here, Princess?" I walked over kissing her cheek before taking her bags to the bedroom. "I told you'd I'd be coming down this week." "Right, I'm sorry." She shrugged taking a seat on the couch propping her feet up, the baby bump was now noticeable. "So, what did you eat for dinner?" She asked flipping through some tv channels, I sat down next to her shaking my head. "I haven't ate, not really hungry." She looked over to me frowning. "You need to eat, you're not being healthy." Rolling my eyes, this was an argument we constantly had. "I'm a grown man, I'm fine." "You're ridiculous, you know that right?" "Sutton called me." She snapped her head looking at me with her beautiful brown doe eyes. "And?" "She wanted to tell me that she's moving to New York after school, she got into NYU but she doesn't know if she wants to go." "And why the hell not? That's a hard school to get into." "I know! But she got a contract with Ford Modeling." "Holy shit! Are you serious?!" "Yeah..." "She's lucky." I could hear the envious in her voice. "I don't know, that's a toxic career choice." "Who cares! That's like every girls dream, to be famous." "I'm not sure if it was ever hers though, sadly I don't think we ever talked about what she wanted to be when she grew up. We never talked about her dreams or anything she was into." She frowned taking my hand into hers. "John, don't beat yourself up... you weren't raised like that, you raised Sutton the way you were raised... One day you will be able to sit down with her and apologize and explain why you were the way you were. In the mean time, you're getting your second chance to be the father that you should have been." She placed my hand on her stomach, the guilt eating away at me slowly. "Brooke, why are we doing this?" "Because, we messed up badly with the ones we truly loved... This is our second chance to start over, to try again and get it right for once." I nodded and brought her hand up to my lips kissing it gently, I don't feel like I deserve this but I'm not going to push it away, I'm to selfish for that. "Why don't you move down here? You said this is our second chance, why not start over here? We won't have to face our mistakes everyday and face the judgement of people who know what we did." "But my family is there..." "So is mine." She pursed her lips together like she was deep in thought, I didn't expect her to agree right away. "Can I think about it?" "Of course."