Tidbits And Such

Calculated Risk

I took a calculated risk, but man am I bad at math.

"You told me you'd have my money, James," Carol said in her ever-present Irish accent. I had never found that accent to be menacing until now. I fiddled with my red stripped tie.

"My..." I stuttered. Carol cocked her head to one side, blowing cigarette smoke out of the corner of her mouth. I cleared my throat. Keep it together Jim.

"My name is actu-"

"I don't like liars, James." She's going to kill me. She took a long drag on her cigarette, and watched as I wrung my hands.

"And you know what I do to people I don't like," Carol said with a smile. I swallowed hard, reaching to straighten my tie. Think.

"I can get you your money," I blurted out. Carol blew a smoke ring, rolling her half burnt cigarette between her fingers.

"I'm listing." I shook myself off, and smoothed back what was left of my greasy hair. Time for that good old car salesman to come on back. I tried to buy time buttoning up my Walmart blazer. Think think think think.

"What would you say to a heist?" My hands were trembling, as I tried to put on that old town charm. Slowly, a smile spread over Carol's face.

"You think you can pull that off?" She retorted in her thick accent.

"Oh I know I can," I said with the cheap smile I was famous for, but trembling anyway. Carol drew a long breath from her cigarette, and motioned for one of her goons to come over. I rubbed my hands on my pants, wiping off the sweat. Carol blew the smoke in his face. The unnamed man obediently held out his hand, and Carol put out her cigarette in it with a chilling sizzle. I prayed she didn't see me wince.

"You know I'm a very busy woman," Carol said slowly. I pulled on my collar.

"Oh yes I- "

"So why are you wasting my time?" I gulped, smoothing back my hair. You've done it now Jim.

"Oh I'm not wasting your time. Iknowthisguyandhecoul-"

"Tomorrow," Carol said decisively. I wiped the sweat off my brow with my sleeve.

"What?"

"Come back tomorrow with a plan," She said with a straight face. I nodded furiously. She motioned with her fingers for her goons.

"See him out will you?" Each one grabbed an arm, and started to lead me out the door.

"You won't regret this youreallywon't. I-"

"I better not."

I was dragged out to the green back door of the bar, and thrown onto the sidewalk. Any normal middle aged men with a comb over would find themselves picking out gray hairs, not wanting to get up off the couch, or wondering how they'd pay for their second kid's collage tuition. What I wouldn't give to only have those problems. I forced myself off the ground. This is harder than it used to be. I checked my comb over in the small window, and tried to get the dirt off my suit. My wife's gonna kill me.