Random poem i just decided to write

When Everyone Looks Away

When everyone looks away
The smile drops off my face
When everyone looks away
My eyes fill with the tears I refuse to let fall
When everyone looks away
My chest heaves with the pain that comes in each breath
When everyone looks away
My fingers skim across the scars on my body
When everyone looks away
My head fills with the thoughts I try to keep out
The thoughts saying I'm not pretty enough
The thoughts saying I'm not smart enough
The thoughts saying I'm not mature enough
The thoughts saying I'm not good enough
And then someone looks
I force the smile back onto my face
I force the tears out of my eyes
I force myself to breathe normally
I force my hands to drop back to my sides
I force the thoughts out of my head
Please don't look away anymore
Because even if it's fake a smile is a smile
Because if I let the tears fall I'm weak
Because when you're looking I'm not thinking about breathing
Because reliving the past hurts
Because these thoughts mean that something is wrong with me
But maybe I want you to see
Maybe I want you to tell me that there is nothing wrong with me
Maybe I want you to take my hand so that I leave the past alone
Maybe I want you to hold me while I cry
Maybe I want you to tell me that everything will be fine
Maybe that will make me feel loved
Because I never have before