Do You Love Me?

Changing the Plan

Mr. Blackbourne was a wreck, inside and out. He had not slept at all last night. He had tossed and turned so much that the bed was a mess. Now he sat slumped on the couch in his dark living room staring at the illuminated wall clock as it inched its way toward 4:45 AM. Luckily for him, it was Saturday morning and he had all weekend to pull himself together.

He had run his hands through his hair all night and now it was sticking straight up all over his head. His pajamas were badly rumpled and his eyes were bloodshot with puffy dark circles underneath. If his team saw him like this, they would be horrified.

The problem was being unable to shut off his brain. No matter how hard Mr. Blackbourne tried to focus on anything else, his mind kept drifting to what his life was going to become.

He pictured the wedding day, five or six years in the future. His eight brothers formed a semi circle around their glowing bride, all of them looking insanely happy. Mr. Blackbourne was there, but not as one of the grooms. He was off to the side with the guests, laughing and smiling, wondering how he was still alive because his heart was hopelessly shattered.

The plan for all of them to fall in love with her had been orchestrated by Mr. Blackbourne himself. But he hadn't known that he would be the one member of the family who couldn't share the collective dream of happily ever after.

With a groan, he arose wearily from the couch and headed into the kitchen to make a cup of tea that he really didn't want.

As the water heated in the kettle, Mr. Blackbourne realized that he had no one but himself to blame for being the outsider. What girl wanted a boyfriend who insisted on being addressed as "Mr."? Or who always passed silent judgment on her clothes? Or harped on what she ate? Sean tried to warn him but Mr. Blackbourne was too afraid of being rejected. He couldn't loosen up with her, even though he desperately wanted to.

No wonder their darling was nervous and hesitant when she was with him. He was the only one who hadn't yet told her that he loved her or kissed her.

He knew that he should confide his insecurities to Sean and get some badly needed advice, but, he couldn't bring himself to do that. All of the younger boys had it figured out. What would he look like, Owen Blackbourne, team leader, admitting to having no game whatsoever.

Mr. Blackbourne poured boiling water over the teabag in a China mug and sat down to wait for it to cool. He was going to tell the family that he was no longer part of the plan, that he had only pushed it for their sakes. He would assure them that he was happier as a confirmed bachelor and not interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone. Convincing Sean was crucial. If he could do that, the others would be easy. He loved them too much to let the plan fail.

Of course he would still be part of the family. He would be Uncle Owen to their children, spoiling them with unexpected gifts and taking them to the zoo and out for ice cream. His life could still have bright spots.

When the others eventually prepared to make a life together, he would devote himself more to the Academy, taking on additional assignments, maybe requesting a position at the Academy headquarters.

Mr. Blackbourne gave his tea a few quick stirs. Sighing heavily, he wished he had a memory of her sitting on his lap, or wrapped tightly in his arms, her heart beating against his chest. If he had just one of those memories it would be something to carry him through the lonely days ahead.

As Mr. Blackbourne sipped his tea, he blinked back tears. He wished that he had the guts to tell her that he loved her beyond what his heart could hold or his words could express.

**********
Same day, four hours later....

I hadn't slept all night. I probably looked a fright but I didn't care. I stood outside of his front door, fortified by courage I didn't know I had. He knew I was coming because I called to make sure he was home. He sounded kind of weird but I didn't have time to focus on that. I hung up and got Kota to drop me off.

I wiped my sweaty palms down the sides of my gray jeans and straightened the hot pink T-shirt that fit like a second skin.

That's right, I dared to show up at Mr. Impeccable's house wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Plus, I had a news flash for him. From now on, when we're together, he is going to stop dressing like a 40-year-old banker and more like my 20-year-old boyfriend.

I chuckled softly. As with all the others except Sean, I guess it was still up to me to make the first move. I thought we were past that, but, oh well. When he opens the door, I plan to kiss him so thoroughly that he will forget that his name is Owen. But no worries because I intend to remind him by using it every chance I get.

"You are my life and my future," I said to myself, as I firmly knocked. "So widen that millimeter smile. I am about to shake up your perfect little world or my name isn't Sang Sorenson!"