Breathe✔️

Part 19~

As I laid there thinking about Seo-yun I became more and more angry. She left me here. But she loves me. But she clearly doesn't. But she said it was to help. But this isn't helping. But it is because I can't hurt anyone. But staying here is making me want to hurt someone. But if you get out you might hurt her. But she deserves it for what she's done! But you love her! But she doesn't love me back! But she does, this is to keep you safe!

I was having a tennis match with my own thoughts. I sat up with my back to the wall and stared straight ahead of me as I tried to rationalise my thinking. Everything boiled down to something and this something was a girl. It was a girl last time and a girl this time. Why was it always a girl? It's always a girl in movies and books and real life too, apparently.

Love is a stupid thing. You get all tangled up in it. It's like a web. One string fucks everything up and another makes everything good. Your just stuck in this big ass mine field. You just get into a habit of thinking about someone. Then when they leave your still stuck in the hole they left you in.

Last time this happened it was love that screwed it all up. Why do I always fall in love? I always end up hurting someone at the end so why do I bother? You don't get a choice though, clearly. Fucking big man in the sky decided who he wants to throw all the crap onto and I got the worst thing possible. This damn explosive behaviour disorder has ruined my life.

I had a gorgeous girlfriend before the trial. She left me afterwards. She thought I was a murderer. She was everything I want though. Short and pretty, caring but could also kick your ass. Everything Seo-yun was I suppose. That's probably why I fell in love again.

I was getting ready to meet my girlfriend. We were going out to celebrate our 5 month anniversary. I had my music on loud as I combed my hair and got dressed. I checked my phone. No messages or calls.

I text her quickly and told her I'd be right there, to meet me at the park. I turned off my music and heard a faint scream from downstairs. My sister. I ran as fast as I could but he had already attacked her and she was already dying. And that's when I lost the love of my life and the most supportive female in my life.

I smiled when I remembered getting the revenge I was due. I've never smiled over hurting someone before. It felt weird but also good. From outside the room where the cells were, I heard hurried chatter over the radios about some girl calling because someone had stabbed her boyfriend. Luckily she doesn't know me and luckily I had a hood up, plus the fact it was dark.

I stretched out my legs and put my hands behind my head as I thought about all the little details of stabbing him. The blood. The feel of the knife going into his body. The sounds of the tearing of his skin and him telling me to stop. Wait. He didn't say my name right? Oh shit. I thought hard back to it and shook my head. No, he didn't say it. He must've known it was coming.

There was a loud knock on the cell door and I opened one eye to see who it was. The cop standing there opened the cell door and gestures for me to leave. He stared at me from across the room and kept one hand on his gun. At least he is prepared.

"Out. Your parents cleared the charges, again" I stood up and walked past him silently with my hands in my pockets. The cop gave me a strange look as he didn't trust me. I walked by him and I smiled. He's right not to trust me really. I was mad, really mad. So I had to go find Seo-yun.