ISSUES

Prologue

Peach toned light filled the small, dark bathroom while it flickered slightly, as the flames from the candles rose higher then died down again in a unrythmic fashion. The scent of delightful lavender flowers, and subtle touch of vanilla flowed through the air from the candles.

I lowered my torso into the warm embrace of the water, and lifted my legs higher into the air, then resting them on the fosset of the tub, letting them cross over eachother.

A deep breath of the calming, scented air filled my lungs, as I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again. My eyes were fixed on my fingers as they fiddled with a cigarette. I twirled the long, white stick between my fingers while I watched the subtle smoke rising slowly from the tip.

In my other hand I held my getaway. The one thing that distracted me from all my problems and issues. My trusty Pocket knife, it was a very pretty thing, paint of many shades came together on the base to form a face much like a face you would see on a tiki mask, or maybe a totem pole, the blade was sharp, and beautiful as it reflected the fire light from wax candles.

Slowly, I brought the cigarette to my mouth and wrapped my dry lips around the white stick, taking a long drag from it then releasing it from my lungs, watching the smoke fly gently through the air only to fade away, never to be seen again. I avert my head to the side to gaze at the knife in my hand. My hand was shaking slightly as I brought it towards me while I brought foot into the water, and bent my knee toward my chest.
I placed the tip just above my knee, first pressing lightly, then firmer until I felt it pierce the skin. As I dragged it down my thigh, a slight trickle of blood escaped the thin wound. I removed the blade from my leg, then set it down on the rim of the bathtub. A burning sensation pulsated throughout the wound on my leg. But I could care less about the pain.

By now, I think of this as a form of pleasure. I have done it so much, that it has just become something out of habit, something I cant go without.

It feels good once I do it, so I dont stop.

And I probably never will.