Monster || p.jm

We

The small male stares at himself in the mirror, and a monster stares back at him.

Yes, that is his face. His body. That is Park Jimin.

But it isn't.

Park Jimin stares at the mirror and a monster that has many names stares back at him.

Self harm.

Depression.

Self loathing.

Clutching the corners of the sink so hard his hands turn white, he looks away from the mirror.

Why is he like this? What did he do to deserve to suffer like this? He lets out a dry chuckle.

Oh yeah, he exists.

He sinks to his knees, forehead resting against the cold stainless steel the sink is made from. One of his hands remains clutching the edge of the sink, while the other falls limply at his side, his silver rings clinking on the tiles of the floor.

Tears fall silently down his face and his heart lets out a sad pang that seems to travel through every inch of his body.

He'll never be good enough for them. No matter how much he practices or starves himself. Jimin subconsciously reaches up towards the cabinet and grabs the bottle of pills, settling back on his spot on the bathroom floor once he is done.

He twists the lid off, pouring as many as he possibly can into his hands. He gently sets the bottle onto the ground and lifts his hands to his mouth.

His lips part to let the pills in.

Then his eyes widen in realization and he starts gagging in disgust at himself as he tries to pour the pills back into the bottle, many missing the opening and hitting the floor. He quickly pulls himself towards the toilet, only to dry heave over it.

He realizes this is because he hasn't had anything to eat for two days. Some part deep inside of his brain screams at him that this isn't healthy, that he shouldn't be doing this to himself.

But the part of him that tells him to keep loosing more and more weight makes him feel so, so much better towards himself. He glances at his fingers, at the fat collected in them. Yes... this part of his brain is right. He needs to loose weight. He can't afford to keep gaining weight like he has been, comeback is soon and--

"Jiminie hyung, you okay in there? It's been almost forty-five minutes, Jin hyung thinks you're constipated," Jimin hears Taehyung giggle from outside of the door. Jimin quickly gathers the pills that are still on the floor before forcing a laugh.

"I'm fine Tae, I'll be out in a second," The male responds, stuffing the now bacteria infested pills into his pocket. He picks the half empty bottle of pills up off the floor and puts them back into the cabinet.

Jimin looks at the monster in the mirror and forces a smile. The monster smiles back at him.