Life is such a burden. Don't get me wrong, there are elements that I love. But waking up to a constant feeling of "whats the point anymore" is not something I look forward to. It's not something I get excited about when I'm going to sleep either, but it becomes a regular thing in my life. It's now the norm you might say.
Having these thoughts in my head doesn't automatically mean I want to end my life. Yeah, sure I've thought about it on many occasion but everyone goes through that phase in their lives. These thoughts just mean I wanna wake up without the constant weight of sadness on my shoulders.
This just proves people are so quick to judge others. You will never know what goes on behind closed doors. You'll never know the struggle that a person faces when getting through the day. You'll never know the amount of confidence building it takes just to step outside the door each morning, or how much self-esteem someone might need to just simply talk to someone.
Some people look at the scars on your wrists and immediately assume your suicidal. They can't fathom the idea that it might be a coping mechanism to get through the day. The scars aren't a weakness more like a strength in a way. They show how far you've come and how strong you are as a person for battling through the pain each day.
No one knows the battles a person faces just to step outside the door each morning or just to simply wake up. These can be the biggest battles a person faces in their lives.
Now, standing in front of the mirror I don't see myself. I just see a person who is lost. Either lost in their thoughts or lost in life altogether, it doesn't matter I'm just lost in the world. The person standing in front of me isn't really a person but an empty shell of what a person used to look like. I'm what's left of what the war of life brings to someone who is weak.
Yeah, in some ways I am strong but in most ways, I am just weak. A broken, weak, shell of a person that once was.
I don't look at my self and think " I'm so pretty", or "No wonder people love me". It's the direct opposite of that. "I'm so ugly", and "no wonder people hate me".
On the other hand, being depressed and broken doesn't mean I can't stand my ground. Yes, people hate me, call me names, bully me and whatever but I don't just sit back and take it. Oh no, far from it. Being invisible may be a disadvantage for some people but for me its the perfect secret weapon. No one ever suspects it's you, and when hiding behind a screen isn't enough, no one ever suspects the depressed girl to have the guts to do anything that bold.
Yes, people lie to protect peoples feeling and lives but they will find out eventually so whats the point. Lies are what the world is built on, lies have consequences and they will catch up to you eventually. Lies is what made me who I am today.
Lies is what made me a ghost of what I once was.
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The Pearl In The Seeds
FanfictionDreams are what everyone is believed to be born with. It's what drives us to pursue our goals in life. It's what we get taught from a young age. "Follow your dreams," They said. "Listen to your heart and take a chance," They said. But the ugly truth...
