Depressive Confessions

11.

Day & Night.

Sometimes,
I am afraid
of the dark.
Mostly because
dark means night
and night means
nightmares and I
cannot wake from you.
Your violent stares
ripping through my body,
you have tunnel vision,
visualising all the
ways in which you
wish to ruin me,
but I am the one
doing all the ruining,

See sometimes I am
afraid of the light.
Mostly because light
means day and day
means longer hours
that are dragged
out of me because
there is so much
of you in me.
I cannot escape
from the cage you
have locked me in,
mostly because cage
means world and
world means big
and big has never
been anything I
was apart of.

So I learn magic
tricks that the
moon taught me
in the day or
is it at night,
I don't know,
mostly because
I have been awake
too long, and not
alive long enough.
I don't know how to live,
when all I am is a body
and body means jungle gym
and that means that I am
constantly being used
as a gateway for
someone else's fun.
It is dark now.
You know what that means?
It means that another
day has passed that
I have spent,
yet again,
not living.