We started with Booty Camp. I think there were certain people, me, Britt and Mike, who had no reason being here and then there was the likes of Finn and Mercedes who really did need to be here.
And 10 seconds in Rachel had a broken nose. Finn had turned and hit her in the face.
After that we all just left and went to our lessons.
At glee club later in the day Rachel walked in, with tape across her nose.
"Oh my god, your getting a nose job" Quinn stated
"I'm having a minor procedure to repair my deviated septum" Rachel said back
"So a nose job" I pointed out.
"Look, I'm happy with the way I look okay? I've embraced my nose" Rachel started "But let's say I wanted to have a slightly more demure nose? Like Quinn's, for example. I would never change my appearance for vanity but the doctor said it could possibly improve my talent which would help us all for nationals so-"
"Possibly. What about the risks?" Mr Schue "Your voice is amazing as it is"
"Hold up, let's get real here. I hear that Rachel has a bit of a schnoz. I mean I wouldn't know because like Medusa I try to avoid eye contact with her. But can we all just stop lying about how there aren't things that we would change about ourselves? I'm sure Sam's been at the doctors office and rifled through pamphlets on mouth reduction. I'll bet Artie's thought about getting his legs removed since he's not using them anyway." Brittany and Artie looked at me at that point "And I'm definitely sure that Tina's looked into getting an eye de-slanting."
"That's extraordinarily racist" She added
"I'm keeping it real" I pointed out
"Sorry Santana but I'm a beautiful person. I'm in love with myself and I wouldn't change a thing." Oh shut up.
"Is that why your wearing blue contacts today, Tina?" Yes Mike "Self hating Asian"
Once Tina started talking again I sorted zoned out.
Then Finn said "My dancing kinda bothers me. I almost killed Rachel but I like the way I look"
"Oh please, you have weird, puffy, pyramid nipples. They look like they're filled with custard. You could dust them with powdered sugar and they could pass for some sort of dessert. Look maybe Rachel's fine with having an enormous beak. Maybe she needs it to crack hard seeds. All I'm saying is that if you look in the mirror and you don't like what you see you should change it"
Then after my amazing speech, Mr Schue started talking crap about that's not what glee clubs about blehh.
Then the bell went. I walked round for a bit before going to my lesson. I went to one of Quinn and Finns prom campaign posters and decided to graffiti it. I should be prom queen at this school. If I were prom queen, I could get Brittany to drop the four eyed loser and go for the real queen. She's so gullible, I could convince her that by royal decree I'd made her being with me the law of the land. But that's never gonna happen. I don't have the votes. Unless I could get the jock bloc.
"Jack Ryan, you've just boarded the Red October" Sam said walking past "Seam Connery"
And God knows Sam doesn't have the heat at this school yet. Hold on, there's someone at this school who just might have the juice. Dave Karofsky.
As he walked past Sam, he checked out his ass. Woah. Woah.
Holy Crap. I'm a closet lesbian and a judgemental bitch which means one thing: I have awesome gaydar.
