Executive Orders

CH 42 | Burdens To Bear

Olivia watched Fitz's eyes darken in a mix of thoughtfulness and emotion. His hand returned to her cheek, fingers tracing the edges, the gentleness in them reminding her all over again of the real reason she was - they were - here.

The look that came into his eyes told her that Fitz had guessed the direction of her thoughts and she thought that maybe it was finally time for them to have that talk.

Once again, they were in sync. Fitz smiled a reassuring smile at her. "Let's take that walk."

After a quick shower and change, they walked hand in hand down one of the many walking paths scattered across the presidential retreat. Even though they knew that there were guards all around, under Tom's supervision they did their best to stay out of sight, giving Olivia and Fitz the welcome illusion of privacy.

In spite of the chill of the season, the day was sunny enough that they didn't need gloves; a fact Olivia was thankful for that because it gave her the opportunity to slip her hand inside Fitz's. She welcomed the warmth along with the strength and pleasure of his touch.

Her mind shifts from the present dilemma her question had raised to indulge in this simplest of pleasures. It was one of the smaller quiet moments that they didn't get to enjoy enough. They were always having to be so on guard, so careful about who might see...

That was more than them; a fresh revelation hit her - that was something that could be said to be the same about them - although she'd been the one to set the parameters - or more truthfully, Fitz had allowed her to set. She was the one who had chosen to put the boundaries on their relationship - not Fitz.

Never Fitz.

If she had let him, he would have shouted their love from the rooftops. Forget the plan - he would marry her today if he could - if she would let him.

Maybe that was one of the answers to the questions she'd forced herself to face. Was his campaign really the reason why she wanted to wait - or was it her? Maybe if she could find a way inside herself to let him, Fitz's strength was what needed to find her own.

The quiet silence was filled with the strength of that revelation and all of that was because of Fitz - always patient, always ready and willing to wait for her to find her truth so that he could figure out what it was she needed... and what he needed to do to make it happen.

"I wish I were more like you." She spoke so suddenly that her words almost stopped Fitz in his tracks.

"More like me - how?" he asked. "I'm not sure that I understand, Livvie. I'm just me."

Speaking her thoughts aloud scared her in a way that she couldn't even put into words, but Olivia took a deep breath as she turned to look at Fitz and began to speak her truth. "Of course you don't understand - and I don't expect you to. When you give your heart - you give all of it. And me - I'm the exact opposite. I've had to face myself and ask the question if I've ever really given my whole heart - ever."

Her voice went quiet. "I don't think I liked the answer."

"Of course you've given your heart, Livvie." Fitz read her face and shook his head. "Are you saying that you don't love me? Don't you dare try and tell me that you don't or that you haven't given me your heart - that's a lie that we both know isn't true."

"I've given you all I had, but was it everything?" Olivia stopped walking and forced herself to turn and face him fully. "We both know how hard it is for me to say I love you - and I do love you, Fitz. But while I've been up here, I've been thinking and questioning a lot of my life - and that included me asking myself a few hard questions."