Executive Orders

CH 58: Especially Right Now

As a part of their plan to not appear together for too long of a time, Fitz watched as Olivia allowed herself to be drawn into a conversation at the other end of the table with Will and Gayle, along with others, leaving him with a few moments to himself.

He noticed that there were several faces that he recognized among the many groups of people here; most of them were still a little skittish at having the president in their midst, especially with all of the security protocols that came with it, but - and maybe it was because he wasn't in the formal attire they were used to seeing him in - his casual outfit was slowly loosening their caution. As for himself, maybe it was the same; Fitz felt the tension in him easing as more and more people passed by him with smiles and brief greetings.

That's something that very few people understood - how isolated life in the White House is - how the lack of such simple human contact is absent from his everyday life and how something as simple as a cookout had brought that all back to him. If nothing else, he could thank Nathaniel for that.

"I saw that." A voice broke into his thoughts. Fitz turned to see Jocelyn settling down in the seat next to him.

"Saw what?"

"You frowned." Jocelyn said. "Why are you frowning?"

"I didn't know that I was frowning." Fitz said truthfully. "I was actually appreciating all of this." He lifted a hand and gestured to their surroundings.

"Glad to hear it." Jocelyn said, looking around. "This is nice. Restful."

Fitz was glad to share a smile with her. Jocelyn was a beautiful, intelligent woman with a gentle heart and brave soul. She'd proved that in both action and words I the time he'd come to know her. Once again he was reminded of the fact that she was a valued part of his senior staff - but more importantly - over time, she had become his friend.

He realized that he was glad of her presence for both reasons. There were things that he could say to her that Fitz believed he couldn't bring himself to say to anyone else.

It was slow in coming, but he felt Jocelyn was coming to feel the same way. They were discussing Jocelyn's recent trip but Fitz couldn't help notice the relief that came over Jocelyn's face as Harrison reappeared with Shireen and the two of them headed for one of the grilling stations. Fitz and Jocelyn both fell silent as they watched the pair, watched as something Harrison said to Shireen made her laugh.

Fitz turned to Jocelyn and saw her eyes went a little sad in their expression. She turned away a little and realized Fitz was watching her.

"Shireen laughing - that's something I can't get enough of these days." She admitted. "My daughter has grown into a new, more serious side of her. She doesn't laugh as much as she used to - and can I blame her?"

"It's always hard to watch them grow into their own persons." Fitz said. He knew that her daughter had had a rough year. "Just don't blame yourself."

"It's hard not to. I don't have to tell you that the things that I've done played a big part in the change in her." Jocelyn admitted. "The lies I've told and the secrets I kept - I told myself that they were all about protecting her - but has she truly forgiven me?"

"I know the feeling." Fitz said, trying to reassure her because he knew just how much her past actions were worrying her. He'd made mistakes with his kids too - after all, what parent hasn't? And he still worried about what's ahead of him once he let them know about Olivia and began to introduce her into the rest of his life - and that meant theirs.

Her thoughts gave Fitz food for thought, but he told himself that was for a later time and he gave himself permission to push those thoughts away before his own guilt found a way to kick in. "I know my kids are growing up and that's a part of the change, but I have to wonder how much my choices have affected theirs."