If, because of how I appear/act, or perhaps my lack of empathy, you think that I don't know what it's like to be socially impaired and/or awkward, you're wrong. I am very awkward and easily confused, but part of my nature is to be very good at bluffing, and to have a certain superficial charm that may belie my true feelings, if indeed I have any. When your own emotions are non existent except for the extreme, which run shallow as it is, and you don't understand others or their emotions, can't even see them as being people like you, don't even care about the situation, or them at all, and can't grasp the full implication of anyone else's emotional state because it doesn't affect you, doesn't mean anything to you, it becomes nigh impossible to relate to them at all, even if you wanted to in the first place. This leads to things being very awkward for you but not anyone else, because you're successfully lying through your teeth and making wild guesses, and scraping by, but only learning how to act, not how to be or what to do. It's even harder when trying to converse with someone like yourself, who probably has no expectations due to being just as inept as you are, because you have nothing to base your persona off and you have to feel your way based on their reactions, which will be non-typical and difficult to read.
As a result, I may seem far more apt than I am, and have often sat down and wondered whether or not I have aspergers (the conclusion is always no, I don't), but the truth is I'm a disordered fuck who lies to survive and views people as tools that may need special care if they're going to stick around. That's the bones of it. It's not pleasant, but there it is, laid out. I wonder who will still want to be my friend when they've read this?
