In watching The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, I stumbled across a character who seems sweet natured and protective, but suddenly literally stabs the central character (Kyon) in the back because he appears to be about to hurt the girl she is trying to "protect". The girl's name is Yuki, and her "protector" is known as Asakura. Yuki is very timid and shy, and seems easily frightened, and Asakura seems nice, although we learn she attempted to kill Kyon in the past, and she tells him "If you hurt Yuki, I will never forgive you!" while shoving her face into his and using a menacing tone, but still smiling.
And the scene where she stabs him...wow. She does it with a smile! Then she approaches Yuki and says she will eliminate everything which frightens her, although Yuki is clearly frightened by this point, even more so when Asakura casually flicks the knife while gesturig and Kyon's blood gets on Yuki's face. I thought I was bad, but to be able to kill someone in cold blood with a smile? Fuck, she is so many times worse than me, although fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately?) she is fictional.
On that note, is a smile and a belief that what has been done is right, just, and what should be done in order to protect someone (even if that is not the case) you truly care about and have a tender, delicate sort of hold over, better than not caring? I used to, and still sometimes do, hurt people and not give a fuck. It does not affect me, it does not penetrate, there is no guilt or emotion in it. Which is worse? Either way you look at it, Asakura is insane, but she is a pawn in this case, she embodies something I have wondered for some time now - am I really any better? I know I manage to get by and pass the "acceptably good person" test, if barely, but at my core, my cold, warped core, am I any better than I was, than these psychotic killers and people who hurt others for their own enjoyment? Is enjoyment really worse than not caring, when you hurt or kill a person? Think on that.
