Baby steps ∽『boy ✮ boy -EDITED

Twelfth 👣-edited

Ryder was totally and utterly enraged, and for the first time since he became my assistant, I could see the wild football player who was targeting everything and anything on the football field. Unfortunately I was his only target and I deserved all the wrath he decided to aim at me.

"Are you mad?"

"No, Carter, I'm not fucking mad! You've just played pranks on me all day long-which I've overlooked because you seemed to have fun-but then you faked getting hurt which made me push you into that wall and actually get you hurt. So no, I am not mad, I am ballistic."

I tried to hold in my laughter but a muffled snort left my mouth, forcing me to cover it with my palm.

"Are you for real now? You're laughing?"

"I am sorry-" I tried to explain but Ryder sushed me up, continuing his ramble without realizing the elevator's door opened and some people were staring at him strangely. Luckily they didn't stay around for long and the doors closed leaving me stuck into the elevator with Ryder.

"No, you are not. You hate me and it's understandable but you really have to go to the extent of hurting yourself to chase me away? Torment me as much as you want but think what hurting yourself in order to have your parents blame and fire me says about you."

"This was not what I was intending..."

"Maybe not, but how long will it last until you do? How long until you do something you'll regret? I've tried to stay out of your way, not to bother you. I've done only what a caregiver is supposed to and didn't pick fights with you. Must our quarrels continue even outside the school? I understand you hate me but acting like this will only become bothersome for your parents-"

"Shut up!" I huffed. "You don't understand anything. You know nothing about me. I don't chase you away only because you are you. I don't need a caregiver, I don't want one. My parents are in dept, Ryder; they don't need to spend money on me. They struggle with my medical expenses, insurances and so many other things. I need to get ride of you more than ever now when I will have a surg-"

When I realized what I was about to say, I closed my mouth shut quickly. I didn't let Ryder respond, simply stretching my hand, pressing the button and leaving the elevator.

To be honest, I was a bit taken aback by his words. It almost seemed as if he was concerned about me, about my safety; but it couldn't be anything more than the fear of losing his job that led him to say those things. I shouldn't think he cared about my well being.

The ride to Tommy's daycare and back at home was deadly silent, and I felt like all my emotional turmoil was back on track. My head ached badly, and some kind of constraint pressed against my chest right above my heart.

Later that night, Kathy talked with my dads and told them about my medical complications. Papa' eyes glossed while my dad just went completely silent, looking like he was charmed into some kind of spell. Not bearing to see the sufferance I put them through, I simply left the room and went to play with Tommy. At least his unwitting beatings were relieving some of my interior heartache.

"What would you do to someone causing you too much pain, Tommy?" I asked the little boy before me and he simply hit my forearm with his tiny palm, leaving red marks on my skin.

"Buse, buse!" He giggled and then proceeded to take a set of cars and make us play with them.

I took the red wooden toy and slowly moved it onto the wrinkly mattress.

"Would you abuse someone you love?"

Tommy looked at me curiously, tilting his head and pouting his drooling lips.

"Nono! Ommy oly kiss!"

"Tommy only kisses the ones he loves?" I implied as the baby boy nodded, taking my car and placing a Lego man in its place. I frowned.

"Then this means you don't love me?"

Tommy shook his head, throwing a truck on my chest, and making me wince in pain.

"Ommy uvs Caty!"

I rubbed the place above my heart, looking at the little boy in disbelief. Well, I suppose we all show our love differently. Some of us hitting the others with a truck...

'ཀ'❋'ཀ'

Looking at my fingers, I realized I was playing with the legs of the toy man Tommy gave me. You could move them up and down, but they were still and rigid. He was just like me. He couldn't use his members, he couldn't stand up on the mattress, and he couldn't sit well without finding him a good position. At least he had two sound limbs whilst I didn't even know if I could keep mine for too long.

I sighed, throwing the piece of Lego on the floor and making its legs detach from its body.

"Are you still mad?"

I flinched, looking up from Tommy's broken toy to see Ryder watching me from the threshold. He entered the room, sneaking his hands inside his pockets before leaning against the doorframe. I snorted, looking down at the floor.

"Are you really asking me if I'm mad? You're the one who got dragged through hell and back, not me."

"I shouldn't have said all those things either. I didn't know your dads were struggling financially."

"You couldn't possibly know." I whispered, fiddling with my fingers.

"But now I do and I want to propose you something."

I looked up at Ryder, seeing him walk further into the room and sit on the bed at my right.

"I won't marry you, Ryder." I joked, seeing the boy furrow his brows.

"I am being serious here."

"Sorry. What were you having in mind?"

Ryder lifted his gaze to my eyes then his cheeks reddened and he quickly looked away.

"You already know I am not that great at school."

"Yeah, you pretty much suck."

Ryder glared at me and I shrugged, saying "Sucking is not bad" in order to save myself.

"Anyway," Ryder continued, "The reason why I need this job is because I want to hire a tutor. I need a huge help if I want to pass the finals. You are pretty smart so I was thinking you could tutor me and in exchange for your help, I will be your caregiver for free."

"But I am not a professional tutor, I don't know if I could be useful enough. Plus, how do you know I wouldn't try to sabotage you?"

"You wouldn't."

"How could you be sure?"

"Because you said you don't hate me anymore."

"I never said that."

"Yes, you did."

"When?"

"In the next five minutes."

I chuckled, looking at Tommy to see him still busy with his toys. At least he let us have a decent conversation.

"Do you really still hate me for what happened eight years ago?"

I shook my head.

"We were kids back then, Ryder, I shouldn't have assumed you were gay. I've despised you all these years because I thought you were homophobic, not because you rejected me when we were 12."

Ryder responded with a short "Ohh" and I finally found the courage to ask him what has been bothering me all this time:

"Are you really homophobic?"

Ryder shook his head.

"I used to when I was younger but that was because my parents forced their beliefs on me. Now I regret what I've told you that day."

"It was true though." I said, making Ryder frown. Then I smirked, "I am a fag... because I am so smoking hot."

We both chuckled then a peaceful silence fell over.

Until Tommy, Kathy, Greg and Sid started to scream all at once.