Little Do You Know

One & Only

Jin  walked down the veranda and around corner, Jin turned the corner and seat on the small white chair, he was shaking and finally let the hurt and heartbreak come over him. He wailed loudly, his heart was hurting, his gut was hurting, his head was hurting. Jin cried loudly as he sank down on the floor. He knew that he had done the right thing, but it hurt so much. He cried loudly, letting all the deppression pull him under. It was time time to give him up. But why did it have to hurt so much? Jin stand up while put down his wine on the table and start to walk out of veranda enjoying the dark air of night including his heart.

Like a fucking cliché the sky flashes with lightning and rain starts to come down, hard, unforgiving. Jin barely sees where he's going, can only hear the gasps of his breath, the ache in his chest, the cold rain seeping into his clothes, into his skin. He can't believe he's so pathetic, running away again, but that's the only thing he knows how to do. He's spineless, a complete coward, couldn't say what he feels and lets himself be destroyed by it, makes him hurt the people he loves. He's outright sobbing, the noise blanketed by the soothing rage of the rain, and Jin thinks he can stay here forever, surrounded by the cold and shattering pain echoed by the raindrops splattering on the ground.

Then his hand is grabbed, body forcefully pulled and turned around, and Jin's clenched fist slackens when he sees who it is.

"Nam...joon...?"

"Jin, I'm sorry," is the first words that come out of Namjoon's mouth, breathing hard, droplets clinging to his bleached hair, harried and guilty. But he looks determined, gripping Jin's wrist firmly, both of them standing at the edge of a precipice. Jin is only grateful that the rain hides his face; can't bear it if Namjoon finds out he's actually crying. "I'm so fucking sorry."

The thunder rumbles above them and Jin stares, uncomprehending, taking in Namjoon's expression under the light of the fluorescent street lights. Why is Namjoon here? Isn't he supposed to be inside, warm, celebrating his engagement? Why—?

"I should have noticed sooner." Namjoon starts in a rush, voice competing with the downpour, but he doesn't stop, stands so close and even with their meager height difference, Jin still feels impossibly small. "I should've noticed it sooner. I'm stupid Jin, you know I don't get this things and I've made you suffer all these years."

"I don't—"

"You're in love with me." Jin's breath stutters, couldn't deny it even if he wanted to. "You've been in love with me for years. You've taken care of me so well and I've taken that for granted and I'm sorry for hurting you." Namjoon looks so serious, so regretful and disgusted with himself the words to comfort him reflexively come on Jin's tongue.

  "... My feelings for you don't matter anymore." He's done pretending. Jin lays down all his cards, has nothing to hide anymore. " He can't hide the shakiness of his voice, the thickness of his words. "It's a burden to you and something I need to fix in myself. It's not your fault."

   "Yes, it does!" The fierceness of Namjoon's tone surprises him and Namjoon holds his arms, keeps him still, and Jin can't move away. "Your feelings do matter to me! It's my fault for not noticing, for always assuming that you're okay! I didn't... I didn't treasure you Jin, like you should be, because you've always been there for me! Jin, you're important to me, you, I—"

  "It doesn't matter anymore, Namjoon!" Jin yells back, and it doesn't. Not with Sunjeon's presence. "You've never seen me the way I saw you!" He strikes Namjoon's chest feebly. "I love you, damn it! I'M TYRING TO MOVE ON!"  PLEASE LET ME! Jin yelled, doing his best to hit Namjoon in the chest, and pushing him away. Namjoon held  him against the  light walls, running Jin's words through his head. Again, and again, making sure he had heard right. Trying, as in he's not over him yet? It was a small hope, but it was all Namjoon had,he had to desperately cling onto the small ray of hope Jin had offered him.