Host Club Mother

Mischief and Mayhem

Kaoru and Hikaru Hitachiin were popular with girls in the Host Club but outside of their act they had trouble with romance.

"How does the Boss do it?" Hikaru asked one day before club hours. Kaoru shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe we should watch him today?" Hikaru nodded.

"Lets do it! Maybe we'll get tips on how to make Haruhi fall in love with us!"

"With me!"

"With me!"

"With me!"

"No with me!"

"With me!" Their petty squabble caught their club moderator's ears and in a flash she was behind them.

"Excuse me." Her deadly calm voice scared the pair and they leapt apart.

"Miss Fujioka! We weren't talking about anything, were we Kaoru?"

"Nothing at all Miss Fujioka!" Kaoru confirmed. The woman glared at them as she pointed at her eyes, then at them.

"It's Mrs. Ootori," she corrected. Then she smiled and drew a single finger across her neck. Hikaru and Kaoru were left in fear on their couch.

"Well Hikaru, maybe we shouldn't try that," Kaoru finally stuttered out. Hikaru nodded silently.

Even though they couldn't watch Tamaki's charm at work, Kaoru and Hikaru still managed to gain insight from their fearless leader.

"Boss can we ask you something?" they chorused. Tamaki turned around, rose petals flying.

"How does he do that?" Hikaru asked quietly.

"Don't question it," Kaoru answered.

"What would you boys like to know?" Tamaki asked.

"Boss, we want to know how to be popular with girls!"

"They've been like that for an hour." Rika didn't bother looking up as she continued scrolling through her phone, a deep blue reflected onto her face. "I don't want to deal with it." Kyoya pushed up his glasses and walked towards the huddled mass in the corner. Tamaki had turned pale and was sitting against the wall with a blank look on his face. Hikaru and Kaoru were each frantically fanning their leader with their hands.

"What happened here?" Kyoya asked.

"Kyoya-" Tamaki's strangled call was cut off by coughing. Kyoya poured some tea into a cup and handed it to his friend.

"Here." Tamaki gratefully drank the tea and began explaining.

"Kyoya, the twins asked me how to be popular with girls!" Tears welled in his eyes. "Is the club not enough? What am I doing wrong?" 

"No Boss, it's not that!" The twins hurried to reassure Tamaki. "We just want to be popular with girls outside of our act!"

"Outside of your act?" Tamaki whispered. "What do you mean?" Kyoya coughed awkwardly.

"Tamaki, please remember that our club personas aren't actually our personalities."

"They aren't?" Tamaki looked around, spotting Haruhi, Mori, and Honey talking. Kyoya paused.

"Well, the twins aren't actually into incest." He awkwardly corrected himself and busied himself with writing in his book.

"So boss, we wanted tips to be like you!" Tamaki perked up again and spun dramatically.

"Well Kaoru, Hikaru," he pointed at them separately and they looked at each other.

"Boss..."

"Hikaru, Kaoru," Tamaki corrected. "I shall teach you to be princely!"

As she stepped into Music Room 3 the next day, Rika Fujioka was surprised to see twins already there with their hair slicked back.

"Are you doing Grease?" she asked suspiciously. "What's the occasion?" Hikaru bowed and rubbed a lock of her hair between his fingers.

"Must there be an occasion for us to be happy to see you?" he asked.

"Would you like some tea?" Kaoru asked. "We have some tea from Singapore that is nice in the morning." Rika brushed them off.

"There definitely needs to be an occasion," she answered. "What's going on?" Kyoya appeared behind them.

"Tamaki taught them how to be princely."

"What happened?" Haruhi appeared in the doorway behind her sister and Rika went into a defensive stance.

"Haruhi!" Hikaru and Kaoru's greetings died off as they saw Rika's glare.

"What's going on guys?" Haruhi peered suspiciously at the twins.

"They're being princely," Rika answered. "Apparently." Haruhi sighed.

"Well guys, I have to get to class." Rika waved at her sister as Haruhi walked down the hall with her books in her arms.

"Bye Haruhi!"

"Be safe!"

"Daddy loves you!" The twins sent her off, copying Tamaki's mannerisms.

"Hikaru?"

"Yes Kaoru?" Their princely facades were broken as they turned to talk to each other.

"Do you fell a murderous intent?" The two slowly looked up to find their scary club moderator, still in her leather riding jacket looking very annoyed.

"Run!" The two sprinted down the hall in the opposite direction of Haruhi and Kyoya turned to look at his sister-in-law.

"Well, I suppose I'll have to cancel club activities today," he said. "They'll be too scared to come back for the rest of the day."

A/N: Welp guys, I finally updated! I'm so sorry for the long hiatus I took but I'm back. School is hard and my summer was super busy. I went kayaking on Lake Superior, I went to Eastern State Penitentiary, I stayed at upperclassmen dorms at Harvard, I even went to Hamilton in Chicago! I've been so busy I haven't had much time but today I had a paper due and submitted it before 11:30 so whoop! Anyways, as always, I do not own OHSHC! I love you all