Stupid Storms

Takes place the night of The Snap and Battle of Wakanda

"Stupid Storms"
by Im_Not_Doing_GetHelp, 8/31/18

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Thor stood alone in the spacious quarters that the remaining Wakandans had so graciously provided him. The room was high tech but also simple— really, all he needed was a washroom and a place to sleep. Or apparently just a place to stare out of a window..

The survivors were, at the moment, safe, though in a state of shock from which they hadn't yet recovered enough to sit back and discuss what they could possibly do. Stark and Strange were still missing. As well as some spider child. Hopefully they still existed.. Regardless, he had no idea where they would even begin to undo this mess. Or if it could be undone. He cursed under his breath. The mess that he partially blamed himself for, because in his angry blind need for vengeance he didn't go for the head...

Thor was on auto-pilot, his gaze unfocused, silently prying bits of his armor off a little at a time in order to give his latest wounds room to breathe. The quiet was deafening. He suddenly became very aware of how numb he felt, mentally. He hadn't yet given in and allowed himself to grieve. He began to contemplate all that he had lost and decided that he needed to force himself to face all of it, knowing that if he avoided it and let it fester it would only make it worse.

Ominous clouds swirled in the dusk skies outside as he stood looking out the window which overlooked Wakanda, staring at nothing in particular. He realized that he had yet to properly mourn, well, any of it at all. Their Mother... Loki's first 'death'.. Their Father. The Warriors Three. Eyeball (although that sweet rabbit really hooked him up). Mjölnir (although the new deal isn't so bad. Not bad at all)... Heimdall... Their people. Their home. Their...

Loki. Loki. My brother. I cannot do this alone.

Had the sentence foremost in his mind actually been his last words to Loki? You really are the worst brother.

Thor hung his head in regret as it began to rain outside. He prayed to the Norns that Loki knew how much he hadn't meant that. He prayed that Loki knew he loved him, that he had just been bluffing in the elevator on Sakaar and had used a bit of what Midgardians would call 'reverse psychology' on Loki knowing he'd not be unaffected by Thor's apparent indifference. Thor had had more faith in Loki than Loki himself did when it came down to knowing he would do what was right in the end. Thor knew very well the bright light within Loki, remnants of the caring brother who had his back in the days of old. He'd always had faith that one day that same light would completely overpower all of the other feelings that made Loki resign himself to believing he was a monster. What was even worse was that he assumed everybody else saw him in the same light that he saw himself. Thor had never stopped hoping that Loki would one day look back and have the good memories come to mind first. Because how could over one thousand years together be completely canceled out in less than ten?

Well, Loki proved him right and did the right thing. And then within a day Thor told him he was the worst brother.

Thor closed his eyes, knowing that his stubborn will to fight back at his grief had finally left him. He leaned back against the wall next to the window and slid down to the floor, his throat clenching and eyes overflowing as he let out a quiet strangled sob. He cried so hard he barely made a sound. He felt as though he couldn't possibly cry hard enough. He vaguely registered somewhere in the back of his mind how strange it felt to cry with the artificial eye. There was more...pressure, in his eye socket.

He drew his legs up to himself and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and forehead resting on an arm. He stared at the carpet below for a few moments while he tried to catch his breath, and his voice sounded very shaky when he finally croaked out, "I'm sorry, Loki. I am so sorry. For everything, I... I so hope you could understand all that I mean by that. And I hope you know that I never stopped thinking the world of you... I... You were not the worst brother. I was supposed to look out for you... and how many times in our life did I fail you... how could I ever have protected Asgard when I couldn't even protect any of my own family..." He trailed off, panting breathlessly.