I don't know where I'm going with this

Bench warmers

It's no story, no myth nor any secret.
We get what I call, « the bad feelings in our hearts ».
It sounds better than depression, and doesn't set people off.
I figure out my key to it, mostly.
I hope this helps.

After weeks that turned into months of grasping onto bits of hope for something that will never come back, I reasoned with myself.
People suck. They'll never be the answer.
I just have to remind myself of that.

I got into books and tv shows, YouTube videos and stories. Inanimate objects that I knew couldn't hurt me unless I let them.
Isn't that how emotions are suppose to work though?
It got my mind off of real people. I hated those things. Still do.

I made the empty spaces at lunch tables my best friends. I liked it, a lot. Until people came over to pity me and sit by me.
Why can't I just sit alone? I'm trying to learn to enjoy myself.
I'm okay with being alone. It haunted me for years until I realized it gave me more than I knew. This unleashed to me what I needed:

The only person who will always be there when you need it most, is yourself. Might as well get comfortable with it.

It didn't help. I lied. It did, but it's not a cure. One thought couldn't put me back on track, but it's a nice lead. It lead me to be the bitch of the « bad feeling in my heart ».
If I'm going to be upset, i might as well do it on my own terms.
It's a confusing statement, I know, but think of it like this:
If your soulmate at basketball games was the left bench and the only way you would ever even feel the ball is if it hit you in the face during practice, wouldn't you want to own it?
Yes, it's the bench, it sucks. But, if you were so convinced you were never leaving the bench, make it the best bench. Not by decorating or making it comfier, but make it your bitch.
Have a water system for the starters, create a life with the other benchies, if you're stuck on the bench might as well make yourself useful. Or as I like to think about it:

If there really is no way of fighting this, might as well make myself at peace with it.

It's okay to be on the bench, and it's normal to accept that you're stuck there too, but you can't let it over take you.
Work at it. Work at being able to touch the court, besides just before and after the games.

Work at being positive. In every way you possibly can. It'll do more for you than you'll ever know.

You know that bus you missed today?
Well there was a vulgar guy on that bus who would have made your day much worse
(Positive)
You know that guy you ran into and made him drop all his stuff?
Well you made him realize he forget something important from home.
(Positive)

What I'm trying to say is, you just don't know the effect your actions have on people.
Everything will have a positive and everything will have a negative. Some stronger than others, but that's just how the world works.

So focus on the positives,
because there really isn't any reason the focus on the negatives,
and if you focus on the negatives,
don't dwell on them.
Let them motivate you to be better.

I didn't realize how much I needed positives until I started doing it. It became a habit. Now, it helps me cope with my fuck ups, knowing that 99.7% of the time there's a positive to it. (Yes there's still that .3% that isn't always positive. It happens)
But that's not the last key that I found to open my door of insights.

It's plain and simple,
there's only one person in this world who will be there for you when you're upset,
there's only one person in this world who knows you the absolute best,
there's only one person who will be there at 3am when you're stuck in the middle of no where with nothing having a panic attack,

You
(You)
You
Y o u

Y
O
U

Y.    O.   U.

I think that's pretty clear.
So might as well make you comfortable with yourself,
Because you got a long life ahead.
Oh, and one more thought:

No one will ever care as much about how upset you are as you do. Therefore, you're the only one who can solve it. However that may be.