So today is my first day of class and can I just say F U C K I N G Y I K E S. So I go to a "local" (it's like two towns over and a 30 minute drive, granted that there is little to no traffic and I go the speed limit, which I never do) community college. And it's the first time that I am getting back into college in like a year. I don't think I have written to you guys about what happened the first time I went to college. So I will do my best to recall the tale.
So I graduated in May of 2017, and I planned on going to Central Michigan University. And let me tell you. My senior year of highschool was rough. I was a ball of stress and anxiety, to the point that I had a panic attack on the floor everyday during my third hour. They even had a corner under a desk called Katie's Korner (there was a sign made and everything) where I would retreat to have said panic attack. One of the major reasons of this stress was my GPA. When I was a freshman and a sophomore, I didn't really try in school because I was so heavily suicidal that I honestly didn't believe that I would ever graduate, so I never tried in school. My junior year I got my head out of my ass and seeked help, that's when I found out that I have Borderline Personality Disorder (I'll go more in depth with this later). So anyways, I had a lot of stress because of my past and I almost didn't make it into central. But I did!
So I moved in August of 2017 and I had these roommates from Detroit. And let me tell you what, they were raised in a completely different environment than I was. I was raised in a small farmers town and they were raised in a dodgy city. So if you can't tell, we were definitely different. And for the sake of privacy (even though these punk ass bitches don't deserve it) We will call them, Food Stealer, Poor Money Management, and Diva. So Food Stealer and I never really got along from the get go. She had asked to borrow one of my two faced palletes and she never fucking gave it back. So I already didn't like her. Well, she ended up stealing all of my food and being a coke dealer, who had a fucking glock under her goddamn bed.
One of the biggest rules of a college campus is that there aren't to be any weapons (at least of that caliber) on campus. And I don't know about how y'all view drugs, but personally, I am cool with weed and nothing else. So I was obviously very uncomfortable with Food Stealer.
Poor Money Management knew Diva from school. They literally were the only two that knew each other. And Poor Money Management definitely lives up the this name I am using for her. She spent $5,000 within the first two weeks of school and was super broke, well she would always mooch off of me. And one thing you will learn about me is that I can't fucking say no to anyone. I'm such a fucking sucker.
And Diva was the girl that I shared a room with, she was a fucking clean freak ( and I am not someone who is super clean, don't get me wrong, I will clean my room, but it's only like once a month) and she was a down right asshole.
I was the only person who had brought up a car, so they had started blackmailing me with Poor Money Managements Taser, and told me that I had to drive them places or I would get it. And they were just overall really shitty people. And it didn't help that I have so much anxiety that I couldn't get over myself enough to just make new friends ( I did manage to make one friend which sounds super fucking pathetic but she's a real G). I just feel into this vad of depression, as bad as it was in high school. I got super suicidal and I just stopped going to classes and I got so depressed that I wouldn't even get out of bed.
So I ended up coming home for a weekend in October, it was the weekend that my niece was born. And my parents and everyone I saw could tell that I had become a shell of the person that I use to be. I ended up getting into a texting fight with my roommates and I showed my parents. They feared for my safety and well being so they yanked me out. So I dropped out of classes and moved back home. I ended up with a dependency of weed and alcohol. So when I got home I detoxed. But I was still really depressed. I didn't end up going to school in the winter because I was just too traumatized after everything that happened. So I got a job, pulled my head out of my ass. And batta bang batta boom now I am in classes at the local community college.
It was a really big step for me to get back into college. I still don't know if I even want to be in college, but I am here, I am making progress. I am taking steps towards something, and that is all that matters to me.
So anyways, my first day of class went pretty well. I had a lot of anxiety, and I got lost a few times, but overall I think that its going to be good for me.
One thing that I think I need to do though is go back on my anxiety/depression meds. I haven't taken them in a minute and I think that I should go back on them. The whole reason I stopped taking them is because I didn't feel like myself anymore, but I absolutely hate how I am feeling without them. So I think that I will start taking them again. And get all of my shit together.
Overall, ya girl kinda (but not really) is starting to get her shit together. Still thinking about being a stripper though. It's a lotta money man.
Alright, Later Losers
Tip of The Day: if you smoke weed, then invest in a smoke buddy. They take the smell out it out of the smoke and make it nice and easy.
