Bad Boy Lessons: How to Live, Laugh, Love

♥ Chapter 1 - The Best Gift Anyone Can Ever Receive ♥

***Hazel's POV***

"You got your underwear on?" My mother, oh so courteously, yelled from the kitchen.

"Mom!" I groaned as I made my way into the kitchen. "That only happened once! Let it go!" I looked through the kitchen cabinet to get my favorite cereal, Lucky Charms. Yeah, yeah, call me kiddish, but who can resist themselves from gorging down all those sweet marshmallows. Especially the rainbow, my personal favorite. I shot a quick, lethal glare towards my father and four year old brother, Cameron, who openly laughed at my current situation. They immediately shut up. Hmph, that's what I thought.

"Really guys?! Real mature, especially you Dad! You might look thirty, but we all know that you're forty!" I scolded the immature members of my family who I can proudly call the opposite gender.

"Hazel! That is no way to treat your mother or father! And you know I have absolutely zero tolerance for such behavior! Shall I tell you what else I can't stand with your generation?..." Mom screeched.

I sighed and did my daily ritual of ignoring Mom's eternal speech. I didn't even listen to it on the first day she ever gave me that speech when I was thirteen.

"In conclusion, I expect you to never 'Damage Deer Skin'," Mom finished.

"Mom, Dad, when are you going to tell me what 'Damage Deer Skin' really mean?" Cameron asked.

I tried to stifle my laughter, but Mom noticed and gave me a glare of her own. You can see where I inherit my "frightening" attitude from.

"Damage Deer Skin" really stands for "Drink, Drugs, and Sex." When Mom prepared to give me the speech for the first time, she was contemplating between "Damage Deer Skin" and "Damage Water Drains". "Damage Water Drains" stands for "Drink, Whoopee, and Drugs." Mom honestly preferred the latter phrase since she's not comfortable with the word "sex". But she was convinced that drinking and taking drugs can lead to "whoopee" with the wrong person. "To assert its importance, 'drink' and 'drugs' must be first in the phrase. So, never 'Damage Deer Skin'," Mom reasoned. I obeyed my parents, or should I say Mother, for this policy.

"What are you talking about, Cam? It means what it means. It is important to treat animals the way we want to be treated. They too are part of this universe and deserve the same respect as us humans do," Mom nervously said.

"Okay," Cameron said. The look on his face clearly said that he didn't believe a single word Mom said.

Taking advantage of this situation, I went towards my brother after putting the cereal bowl in the sink. "Actually, Cameron, what that really means is – "

"Hazel!" Mom and Dad yelled to stop me in time.

"Relax, guys! I was just going to tell Cameron that it means he should try even harder to become a veterinarian," I smirked. Looking at Cameron I then said, "That's what you wanted to be ever since you first remembered Mom giving me those daily speeches right?"

"Right!" Cameron eagerly nodded, forgetting the original topic completely.

Another bright side of using "Damage Deer Skin" was that it convinced Cammy to want to become a veterinarian. If we used "Damage Water Drains", Cammy would've probably aspired to become a plumber. Mom would not have been too keen on that dream considering the high hopes she has for both her children. I chuckled at the thought of the bathroom sink leaking and Cameron being called to fix the pipes.

Mom, realizing that I tricked both her and Dad, then smirked and said, "So Hazel, you never answered my question."

"What question?" I said, confused.