Running Out of Embers

Hallucinations and Dreams

Edward blinked in utter confusion. The plan had been to convince Roy he was leaving, let him get drunk off his sorry butt with his comrades, and then snap a picture of the slammed alchemist when he got home. It would have been a prank for the ages; Ed would finally have a step up above the Colonel in wit. He would be able to brag and have Roy begging for the image to be destroyed, and if there was one thing he wanted, it was Mustang begging him. After so many years of having to plead and do stupid odd tasks for that smug jerk to be able to search for the Philosopher's Stone, it would be incredible for that favor to be returned.

"Full-FullMetal?"

Roy's voice was a chasm of hopelessness, and the storm was still ravaging across his heart, destruction in its wake. He saw Ed smashing something to bits in his right hand, and it did not look familiar.

He brought something with him and he's smashing it? Why's the kid even here, seeing me like this? Am I dreaming him up? Am I really that lonely?

"Mustang. I... I stayed. Is that a problem?"

His voice sounded so concerned, so worried. It made a faint, hopeless smile creep across the pained Colonel's face. He usually was not the type to ask if things were acceptable or not, but Roy was still sobbing too much to object. If Ed was a figment of imagination, a perfect painting on an imperfect canvas, he could not allow himself to taint the delusion. He had to believe FullMetal had come back for him, even if the Flame Alchemist did not allow himself to interact with the one he loved. He had to keep that illusion real, no matter what. Despite all this logic, all of this safe and secure thinking, he just wanted more of the boy, even if only a small chat... It was tearing him up from inside, and he preferred it so much to silence.

"No, Edward, it's alright. I just didn't know you would still be in East City. You told me at the office you were skipping town already."

Forgetting the fact he was crying his eyes out, his voice was surprisingly strong; Ed found himself swimming even deeper into the ocean of misunderstanding.

"... Colonel? Why didn't you go out with Fuery and Falman and those guys? Is something wrong? Mustang, why are you crying?"

The amount of panic that was rapidly setting fire to his speech made Roy's thundering sobs slightly increase, because the thought that the boy would even care- which, surely he did not- made him feel afloat, yet, since he knew it was false, that this Ed was false, it made him only discover despair. His trembling hands would not cease, and he realized jet-black locks of hair had swept gently over his eyes.

"I didn't want to. I don't usually, even though they always offer. And- no, FullMetal, nothing's wrong. Everyone's fine; everyone but me is just fine."

He had figured he should muse this delusion, to comfort it as he would the boy. He wished only to speak with it, to speak with Edward; he would do anything just for more time. The figure got up and began approaching him, and Roy's mind froze with so much fear. Any moment now, Ed would vanish, and he would be gone off on another stupid quest. Any moment now, Roy's mind would stop producing this morbid illusion. Though he did wish for that, he also wanted just a few more minutes of insanity, or even just one more. He felt so ridiculous, hanging off Ed's every word like some sort of lovestruck child, but he had already given up hope for almost anything else.

"Well, Old Man, why aren't you okay?"

There was a sense of sarcasm in Ed's voice, but a friendly one that was not intended to harm. He simply did not know how to react in any other way; he wanted to cheer up the grown man in front of him without hurting him.

Roy laughed deeply, the sound echoing before more sobs ripped from deep within his throat.

"No, Ed. The real one of you, wherever they happen to be, doesn't understand how much his stupid acts hurt me."

Ed flinched. 'Real one'? Did Mustang think he was hallucinating? Ed supposed that perhaps he could not blame the other man, and started to think back to every time he had come to submit a report. It seemed that every time he had, he now remembered, that stupid Colonel had offered to take him out to some stupid pub with his pals, and though even Fuery had begged him, he had always said no and left. He never thought anything of it, because he had never thought about and realized it.

Why'd I never realize this till now? More importantly, what's all this mean?

Roy absentmindedly reached a vibrating hand out to Ed, tears still like waterfalls. He was a wreck, and he was so very aware of it; he hated every second of his current life, and he never knew when he would break again. During the day he seemed so stable, so mentally sound, but at night he would collapse. Was this his curse, to never feel sane?

His hand reached Ed's face, and his fingers jumped back a little upon feeling the cold skin that reacted to them.

Is... Is FullMetal really here? Did he hear what I said to him? Dang it, Roy, you've gotta be more careful... Now you've messed it up yet again...