More Than a Best Friend

Chapter Ten

Harry was more than hesitant over this. He may have considered the fact he didn’t need this, but even him acknowledged he, in a way, did, but he didn’t want it, either way. The hallway in front of Dr. Wallace’s office was empty. And there was someone inside the office, and if he got close enough to the door, he would be able to hear what they were talking about, but it wasn’t really that he would want someone doing that to him during his private sessions, so he continued walking around the short hallway, look slipping towards the black leather couch by the door. Harry could’ve sat down, but he would be way to nervous not to shred the black leather to pieces. Yes, walking was definitely a better choice.

Harry stared at the door for quite a while, thinking what would exactly happen if he just left and never showed up at the session? Would she call him? Would she call his mum? Or would she wait around, hoping he might show up at the next session? And so on, until she finally decided it would be a good idea to check if Harry was ever coming.

She didn’t believe him. And he was finally fine and she didn’t believe him. When he wanted people to notice he wasn’t alright, they looked the other way – now that he finally was, they didn’t believe him.

And maybe he brought it on himself. Nobody just goes over a suicide attempt and classified it as a day that just went all the way downhill, so he didn’t really expect people to understand. He did, however, want them to believe.

He took a deep breath as he looked after the woman that just left Dr. Wallace’s office. He immediately noticed bandage over her wrist and his heart sunk a little as his hand reached for the doorknob.

“Good morning, Dr. Wallace.”, he gave her a weak smile.

The psychiatrist gave him a weak smile in return. “Hi, Harry. Please call me Nora, if it’s more comfortable for you. Some patients think it helps.”, and Harry knew then and there he wasn’t going to listen half of it if she was going to go into psychological ramblings each time she had something to say. And he may have seen her just once, but he noticed that was what she tended to do.

“So, Harry tell me about you. We didn’t talk much the last time? Do you have someone, a girlfriend –”

“Boyfriend.”, Harry corrected immediately, smile tugging on his lips as he pictured Louis, and finally being able to say the words. “Louis. You’ve seen him.”

Nora nodded and Harry barely noticeably shook his head.

“Why did you decide to attempt suicide?”, Nora cut right to the chase, and Harry gulped. It was a bad day, that’s what he decided to conclude. And he didn’t give it much thought, unless he was justifying the ‘bad day’ conclusion.

Harry said nothing, receiving a sharp look from his psychiatrist. And so they sat in silence, looking at each other for a while, before Harry lent back into the sofa, lowering his look down to the table parting the two, going through so many random thoughts – what are the flowers in the vase at the table called, how many books did she actually read out of all of the ones on the bookshelves behind her and so on.

“What about Louis, how does he feel?”, she asked, remembering the yawning face in the hallway, and the genuine smile as she left Harry’s room to inform Harry’s mum and best friend – and apparently boyfriend – he was cleared to leave the hospital. The boy was tired – then again, there wasn’t a day she hasn’t noticed him around the hospital while Harry was there, she recalled. And he was happy, as soon as she told them Harry seemed alright – he smiled brightly and his eyes sparkled.

Harry sighed, lifting his look back towards the doctor. “We’re happy.”

“I understand. Your mum also mentioned me your suicide note, that is why I’m asking.”, she then elaborated and Harry was going to be sick. There was no one on the face of the earth that would keep him from Louis. And a rash decision that was his own fault wasn’t about to be the judging factor in someone’s opinion of one of Harry’s favourite people in the world. Louis didn’t do anything. And that was sort of the problem, at one point. But – Louis wasn’t to blame for anything he did or did not do.