More Than a Best Friend

Chapter Four

Harry could’ve guessed Zayn and Niall guessed it at some point. Or at least considered it. He was quite certain of it. He would actually be surprised if they didn’t. It seemed so obvious by now. He was confused at first, but now it was almost as if he made no effort to hide it. Yet, he didn’t actually come out with it either. Come out, quite literally. He wasn’t gay, though. Or he wasn’t sure. Harry knew he could find a girl equally fit as a bloke. Then, again, he wasn’t all that interested in girls anymore. He wasn’t interested in anyone anymore, if he was to be honest. Louis didn’t fall under ‘anyone’ and that was the obvious part.

Louis was always something else. There wasn’t a time Harry even thought he ‘got over’ Lou. There wasn’t much to get over, in fact, they weren’t together. Even if, most times, it seemed like it. What bothered him the most was that he knew exactly how it felt to kiss Louis, to be kissed by Louis and then, Louis was still something he couldn’t have.

He tried to deny it. But, soon, there wasn’t much to deny. And Louis coming back only made it that much more obvious. Harry loved Louis. He always loved him, ever since the two were kids. But, now, he could easily say he was in love with him.

And there it was. The feeling that made Harry the happiest he’s been and the most miserable. Harry was a good liar to get himself out of trouble, but when it came to his feelings, those he couldn’t deny, or hide, and definitely not lie about them to cover them up.

“I’m in love with Louis.”, it came out, in a shaky voice as Harry raised his head, interrupting Zayn’s and Niall’s debate over some computer games, or at least that was the last thing Harry heard them discussing.

They just looked at Harry and smiled at him. He bit the inside of his cheek and gripped the bench he was sitting on tighter.

“We know, mate.”, Zayn commented. It was quick and almost said jokingly, so Harry just stood there.

Harry tried to find words to explain it slowly turned into a problem that ruined him, and all Zayn and Niall had for him were smiles and laughs. So, he gave no response, whatsoever. Staring, completely blank at them, as if he had just given up on his life. Though, truthfully, that happened long time ago.

Niall threw his arm around Harry’s shoulders. “Hey, are you ok?”

Harry threw Niall’s arm off and wiggled away from his sort-of hug. “No”, his voice was still shaky, but this time not from just simply cracking, not being able to stand it any longer, it gave out a bit of an angry tone. “I don’t mean it as a joke, I am actually in love with him. Like, how you two would feel for a girl, and that’s what I feel for him. I don’t just love him to a questionable level. I am in love with him.”, Harry had no other words to say. It was just that and he couldn’t fully grasp it after all this time. Maybe he was just really screwed up in his head, he knew that, and this made it even worse, but he was aware of it. With Louis, it was always something better. The sun shined brighter, the breeze was warmer, the moon was fuller and he was better. Simple as it.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, really.”, Zayn gave a quick apology, before going on grasping fully what his friend just threw at him. “Just a question though, think you need to admit it, are you… gay?”

Harry examined the two faces now staring at him apologetically. He snapped, and he shouldn’t have. And he had an answer to give. He faked a smile, laughed, muttered a “Sorry”, he didn’t feel the need to explain it any further, the two lads got what he meant. And if they didn’t, well they’d have to figure it out themselves. “I don’t think I’m full on gay, maybe I’m still a bit confused about that part.”, there was a sigh ending the sentence.

“Cool, mate.”, Zayn made a comment once again. It was pointless and stupid really, but Harry appreciated it. If they were cool with it, he could work with that. One less thing to bother him.