More Than a Best Friend

Chapter Eleven

If someone asked Harry how he’s been doing, he’d answer a simple ‘fine’. But, then again, that was what he always answered. So no one really believed him. And then there was Louis, who knew exactly when Harry was sincere and when Harry wasn’t. And it bothered Harry as much as it made him happy. He always wanted someone to notice things, and then Louis noticed everything. So Harry was stuck in this little box of Louis constantly hovering around him. It wasn’t exactly a bad thing, Harry was actually pretty sure without Louis he’d broke down pretty soon.

Harry found Louis to be his support wall, keeping him from caving in, his guardian in a way and just sometimes the worst thing that happened to him – and then again the best. Louis was this mixture of safe and dangerous – he could push him, unintentionally, to his worst or show him the best. And Harry was a mixture of self-preservation and self-destruction. Harry was able to keep up the fast pace his life seemed to be going and he was doing well, he decided he didn’t need to hurt himself, life did that enough from time to time, he didn’t need to contribute to that. Also, Harry was close to the breaking point – close to crossing of the line and it felt like standing on the edge of a cliff and rocks keep falling down beneath him and he keeps holding onto the edge, so close to slipping.

Really, considering, and Harry really still hated that term, he was actually doing fine. His therapist expected him to be much worse, and she said it bluntly, right to Harry’s face. And for a while he found it as encouragement to slip, and then he wrapped his mind around it to be encouragement to keep this up, not slip back down.

Harry was a fucked up mess, but he could be fixed.

Louis was being careful, keeping close watch on the boy, yet not trying to smother him with attention. He was just worried about the boy, and he was quite certain he couldn’t be blamed for that. They’ve both been through shit, Louis more as a bystander, and Harry more as an accomplice.

He felt as if everything was just really delicate. Louis needed to be there if Harry broke down again, because he couldn’t help images running through his mind of what the curly haired boy might do if he wasn’t around to hold him together. Harry felt like he needed space, but then again he knew it was for all the wrong reasons.

In the couple of weeks following, the therapy sessions became easier on Harry, for once – the doctor chose to believe him. And sometimes she really shouldn’t have because he was lying, but he stuck with it and was stubborn about it – so she concluded he really must be fine, or at least think he is, and as long as he thought he was, and worked to keep that up for real, he was progressing to the actual recovery, because it meant he wanted to be fine.

~

Harry went back to school three weeks after, and he realised school stayed the same fucked up place he hated from the bottom of his soul and then beyond. People were staring, asking awkward questions, wondering if he was okay on every step, saying they’re sorry when those were the first words they ever spoke to him. And then again there were those quiet whispers he chose to ignore – for simple reasons because they hurt, and the world was cruel and he didn’t need to hear it. He was going to be stronger this time and he won’t cry at home because of what someone said, hell, he might even talk back to them and stand up for himself if it goes too far.

Zayn and Niall were borderline pissed with Harry. He has been keeping this thing from them, and they would be glad to offer any kind of help, watch out for the kid. But, they didn’t really hold it against him – it was not such a thing where it was not possible to understand, in a way, and turn their backs away from Harry. They still needed him and he still needed them. They were the trio, regardless if the trio turned into more of a five with Louis and, quite often, Liam as additions. Liam was finishing up his final tests for the year at UNI, and besides occasional studying, which Liam being Liam didn’t actually need to bother with that much, he was pretty much free to drive down to Holmes Chapel and check up on his friends. It was a two hour drive, but he really didn’t mind. Louis was one of his favourite people in the world, and Harry was his loveable self and Liam couldn’t help liking him from the first time he met him.