When He Fell

It's Not Stalking. Honestly.

(Yo yo, it's been a little while my fam squad! I have a coherent plan for the rest of this, and I'm guessing there's going to be about 5-10 more chapters? Anyways, announcements over! Thanks for reading!)

The day seemed to drag on, the clock on the wall taunting Abeno with every tick of the second hand. Every time he thought about Ashiya going to meet his confessor, he felt his chest tighten. The minutes passing by only led closer to that moment, and yet they couldn't go fast enough. Abeno just wanted it to be over. He was already tired of feeling his hopes vacillate wildly—one second positive that Ashiya would never accept; the next, that there was no way he wouldn't.
Abeno was just starting to feel his hope disintegrate again, when the teacher called everyone's attention to make an announcement before they left. "I finally have the final schedule for the school festival! It's going to be held three weeks from now on October thirtieth, and we will be providing—drum roll, please," a few students began to half-heartedly thump their desk, "Personalized bouquets!"
Excited whispers swept across the class in a wave, students beginning to chatter about banal gossip. Who's going to get a bouquet for me? Won't that be romantic! Don't you think he'll get one for me? These questions only served to further Abeno's discontent. Ashiya will get one for her, Abeno heard himself think against his will. IF he accepts, he hastily added.
     As the bell rang signaling the end of the day, each chime sent a wave of nausea over Abeno. The room was moving slightly, as if he had stood up too fast. He felt like he was leaving his body, yet he could still feel every nervous twinge. Nothing was making sense, it was all dizzy, except for the impending fear, the sense of loss, the—
     "Ah, Abeno!? Are you okay? You look a little faint..." Ashiya.
     "I'm...fine," he finally answered, feeling the distance between them like a chasm, and almost longing to just jump into the oblivion if there was a chance to reach Ashiya on the other side. But that's not what would happen if he failed to reach him. He would lose him.
     "Are you sure? Because I, um—I actually have somewhere to be, haha," Nervous, Abeno noted, probably about her, "But! If you needed me to, I could stay with you, help out, ya'know. Be a pal, or, whatever..."
     Ashiya's eyes flittered around the room as he spoke, never quite lighting on Abeno's face, never quite giving him the recognition he so craved. He was obviously flustered, Abeno just didn't know if it was because he was uncomfortable sharing with him or if he was excited about going to meet that girl. Probably both, with Abeno's luck.
     Don't leave. Please. I'm not fine at all. "I'm fine. Like I said." Cold.
     It sounded brittle to Abeno's own ears, more hostile than he had meant, and it had an effect on Ashiya as well. His eyes widened fractionally—surprised by my attitude, probably, but what's new?—and an unpleasant emotion—resentment, maybe, but also possibly...dejection?—momentarily marred his face. The reaction made Abeno instantly wish he hadn't said it, hadn't been so fucking sharp, so cold, because Ashiya didn't deserve that. He was kind, with more compassion shown in a single day of his life than the entirety of Abeno's. Ashiya didn't know how his every action tore at Abeno inside. He didn't know that Abeno needed him not to leave. So he tried not to hold it against him when he left. But God knows that Abeno is selfish.
                          ——————————
     Abeno just sat in the classroom after Ashiya left. The clock was again taunting him, it's endless rhythmic ticks echoing in the empty room. Rows of empty seats mocked him, as if saying 'We both know this is what you are. Alone.' His heart began to beat in time with the seconds, sixty beats per minute, and he felt it resonate within him. My heart rate is steady. How odd.
     And it was. A strange monotony had overtaken the room, turning his previous panic into a bone-chilling despondence. Finally, his thoughts cleared. An understanding revealed itself to him, and his thoughts told him one thing—Follow him.
     So he did. He made his way up to the roof, to the spot where he and Ashiya met to enter the Mononokean, his and Ashiya's spot. Belatedly, he realized he should call the Mononokean. His thoughts possibly weren't as clear as he thought, then. He called the Mononokean, knowing she would be terribly confused and would pester him for days about why he was spying on Ashiya. As he entered and the door moved to face the outside of the roof, he slowly slid it open a fraction. Just enough to hear. Barely enough to see. All he could make out was Ashiya's back, which looked tense. A good sign? Abeno quickly began paying attention as their words came into focus.
     "—So, Ashiya, what do you say? Would you like to go out with me?" A girl's voice. It was high, a bit higher than normal, but that might be the nerves. She didn't sound very nervous, though. Quite the opposite. She was confident and knew what she wanted, which didn't bode well in Abeno's mind. She would be hard to dissuade.
     "Oh, um, you seem like a real nice girl, Miki," Ashiya's voice. He sounded far different from her. Tentative, anxious even. But his words stopped Abeno's heart. His chest felt so tight he couldn't breath, and he slowly became aware of the cutting sensation of his fingernails in his palm. He waited. "But—how should I say this?—I'm afraid it just isn't going to happen."
     They continued talking, but Abeno stopped listening. He...didn't want to go out with her. He said no. Abeno felt so relieved it hurt for a moment, his joy almost overwhelming him. Soon enough, the girl—Miki—left, taking Abeno's strife with her. He slid the door shut and waited for Ashiya to notice it, which he did. Because of course he did. He wasn't going to just run off and leave Abeno.
     As Abeno spent the afternoon in the Mononokean with Ashiya, joking and scoffing and imagining staying like that forever, he felt content.