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vii. YOU DRIVE ME FUCKING CRAZY, WITH THE THINGS YOU SAY
(alextbh—mornings (see you again))
After the outbreak and the commotions had subsided, I couldn't bring myself to speak again. The heartbeat had already decreased, but I was too lost in your eyes that my words got entangled in my throat, choking me deliberately and painfully.
Your thumb caressed my cheek, a forlorn smile plastered in your eyes, I could see myriads of emotions swimming in them but I couldn't pinpoint them all yet I was sure there was sorrow. I didn't know what had made you feel sorrow around me when we barely ever meet, but I wasn't much different.
Without uttering a word, your hand slowly fell down from my cheek down to hold my hand, my other hand which were clutching your sleeve gradually loosened and let it go completely. You crouched down to pick up your abandoned skateboard before leading me out from the park.
I didn't know where I was going, but I had put my faith in you. I knew you wouldn't do anything horrible to me, so I followed you like the water streaming down the river's flow, slowly but surely.
After a while, I realized that you were leading me towards a coffee shop not far from the park. It was one of the few coffee shops in the city, normally it was packed with students or workers alike, yet today seemed more relaxed and empty than usual.
We got in, the door opening swiftly, the aroma of coffee beans fresh pastries hit my nose. The warm air was a complete opposite of the cool one outside. You lead me to a vacant seat not far from the counter and made me sat down on the sofa whilst you put down your skateboard on the floor followed by your bag. I watched you prudently as you shoved your earphones inside your pocket and went to the counter.
Never had I imagined to be dragged by you into a coffee shop, but there I was.
You came back with a plate of brownie, coincidentally being my favorite, settling it down in the middle of the table as you took the seat across me. You offered me a small fork, a smile surfaced on your face.
"Eat. You'll feel better."
So I took the fork tentatively, watching your expressions cautiously as I took a bite from the warm piece of cake. It was the most delicious flavor I had ever tasted, new yet so familiar on my taste bud.
"Good?" You asked me, eyes traveling to search for my reaction. I nodded my head as a response. You grinned exultantly, sending a jolt of butterflies in my stomach. Oh no.
"So what's up with all the 'we should go the police' back there?" You finally queried, dragging your chair closer to me, leaning your whole weight onto the table.
I placed back the fork on the plate, my smile faltering. "You said you're going to get killed, by who? We can't stand by and wait for it to happen!"
You gave smile so pitiful that it broke my heart, seeing you wholly but so broken at the same time. At that moment a waitress came by to our table, setting down what seemed like a cup of hot chocolate, coincidentally also your favorite. Once she took off, I tore my gaze from the drink towards you.
"Look, it's inevitable, love. You can't help me. I can't help myself. The police will look impotent and even if you ask the president for help, it'll be too pointless."
I ignored the fact that you had called me by the term 'love', my mind was too busy processing what you just explained. And when I spoke, I was mortified by the despair in my voice. "We can at least try."
But you only shook your head, and once again I felt so tired. My head was heavy and I wanted to cry, what had Felix ever done to you, God?
