SHADES OF SUMMER | jjk

00 | CHARCOAL BLACK

JEONGGUK SLOWLY LOWERED himself to the ground, shaky breath leaving slightly parted lips. his index finger trailed a path over the heap of dirt, burrowing a slim line on brown earth.

it was windy, the air ruffling through his now strawberry blond hair. it had been so long. he hadn't seen her in so long. that summer began to seem like a dream. she began to seem like a figment of his imagination. and he was beginning to wonder if he had hallucinated the whole thing.

time had a peculiar way of working. it was constant in its movement but became sundry depending on each individual. his fingers traced over the bright yellow petals of the sunflower he held, eyes downcast.

a drop of water hit the bright flower that splashed into smaller droplets, hitting the back of his hand. there he was crying again. it seemed like the seal on his tear ducts had broken the way he'd been crying the past year.

sniffling, he wiped at his damp cheeks. another summer had passed and he still felt numb. his friends were worried about him, torn between giving him time and pulling him out from under his dark cloud.

jeongguk knew but he didn't really care. he hated worrying them but his heart was in tatters. and all his thoughts were consumed by summer. the memory he had of her. her essence. how she'd changed his life only to leave.

more droplets of water. his brows furrowed, palm turning upwards. his head leaned back eyes on the sky. the rain mixed in with his tears, dampening his hair and clothes. his lips curved up sadly. the clouds seemed to be grieving with him, sharing his pain.

now that it was pouring, jeongguk let his dam loose. sobbing loudly, he leaned his head against his knees, body shaking violently.

he could not wrap his mind around the concept of love. you lived your life the way you always had until one person walked in, blowing through everything like a tornado and then you were never the same. summer made him different. and then she just left.

here he was with a gaping hole in his chest and only one person could ever fill it. except she was gone. so it seemed he'd remain incomplete for a long time.

it took a moment for jeongguk to register that raindrops were no longer beating his back rhythmically. he lifted his head slightly, staring straight ahead. the sound of falling rain filled his ears, met his gaze but he felt none of it.

slowly, he looked up to see the umbrella above his head. in the corner of his eyes, he noticed the presence next to him. his breath caught in his throat when he turned.

rich brown eyes with a burning amber gold behind them stared right back at him. a slow enchanting smile that parted plump peach lips was directed at him. his chest heaved, breathing choppy and erratic. one slim finger pointed at the sunflower in his grip. "is that for me?"

hallucinations.

but why did this feel so real? wide eyes remained unblinking, waiting for the illusion to evaporate, curling and mixing in with the cold damp air. but nothing happened. it stayed.

"it's passion fruits and oranges today. and something else. were you at the beach? you smell like the sea, jeongguk." that voice was just like he remembered. warm, low, raspy and lulling. it wrapped around him and suddenly he wasn't shaking in the rain.

there was a world of difference before his eyes. too vast, too distinct to be a child birthed from his running, chaotic and disoriented imagination.

paler skin as though it had been stripped of its vibrant golden essence clung too closely to bones. weaker smile. just as beautiful as ever but weaker. now cropped infant curls had lost their bright hue, replaced by a charcoal black. the only thing that remained the same were those eyes.

head tilting to the side, questioning gaze on him. "what are you doing out here in the rain?"

pink lips slowly curved up, noticing the familiarity of the question. "just keeping nature company for a while." he answered softly. her grin became even brighter instantly filling him with warmth. "hm, she must feel loved."

"i should hope so." he murmured softly. a dainty hand was held out to him. he placed his wet hand in hers, getting on his feet. "is this a dream?" his voice came out breathy, unable to believe he was actually this close to her.

"maybe. they say chase your dreams, so i came looking for you." she answered. "too cheesy?" her laugh rang in his ears. that awkward pitchy sound felt like coming home. a frown marred her features when he didn't respond.

tentatively, he reached one shaky hand out, brushing lightly against her skin almost as if he was afraid to touch her. his fingers traced up her arm, eyes following his action. "i thought i lost you forever."

"i thought i was gone forever, but something happened. the doctors said i was dead a full minute before coming back. it was a miracle. or maybe i just really didn't want to leave you. so i started getting chemo, hence..." she gestured to her short black hair.

he took the umbrella she held out of her hands. "why didn't you call or say anything? i thought you died." jeongguk let the pain he'd been feeling seep into his words.

"i didn't want you to see me looking like hell." suddenly the storm had shifted from the skies to her eyes, trickling down her cheeks. "like i had one foot in the grave. in case i died, i just wanted your memory of me to be happy and smiling not emaciated and barely grasping to life. i know it was selfish but i couldn't leave you with such a haunting image."

"i wanted to be there for you." his thumb wiped at her cheeks. "and you were! the thought of you, of coming back to you, kept me motivated. i don't think i would've fought so hard if i never met you." she confessed, head hanging low.

the umbrella clattered to the ground, exposing the two to the full wrath of the rains. large hands cupped slightly warm cheeks and lifted her head. hearts beating wildly and in tandem as they held each other's gazes, neither wanting to look away. they memorised their faces once more, etching images to remain unforgotten in their entangled souls.

finally, jeongguk pressed a kiss to her lips. they felt just like he remembered. and of course, there was still the taste of citrus and honey on her lips. this was his summer. his sunflower fields and warm sun rays. his flowing river and burning fire. she was the shore to his sea. the one his heart would always ache for.

"i missed you so much, summer isaac."

FIN