The Perfection I'm seeking.

Who am I?

I always ask that question of who I am or what will I be. I decided skinny. Being a overweight girl all her life (except some for short periods of being skinny.) and just getting skinny, hurts. I sat up on my soft bed which I lay down on many days waiting for death or the loss of weight till I am 0 lbs.

I lift my feet into my soft fluffy slippers which my grandma got me for my birthday. I love my grandma so much till she gets brutally honest. I take steps to the bathroom. I pull out my glass scale that hides under the sink. Which I clean it with windex often. I step on top of it 168.3.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"  I say in soft growl. That is one pound more than yesterday. I know I binged on Blue Bunny Vanilla Bean ice cream from last night but I shouldn't of gained one extra pound. Maybe it could be food weight or water weight I hoped.

I walked out slowly to down stairs to get a cup of freezing water.

"Hi, honey bun did you get some good sleep Paige?" My mother says so chipper. God I hate the way she sounds so happy and it like she is rubbing it my face. She has bright blonde hair just like me and a nice V chin. Sadly mine is covered in fat and lard.

"Yeah, mom.." I say trying to not seem that I just rolled around and holding my gurgling stomach all night, 

"I'm gonna go and get dressed for school." I get my water and hurry upstairs before she can confront me about breakfast. She doesn't need to control what or how I eat I almost almost a grown woman and I can eat when I want or what I want to 

I pull on a simple gray t-shirt and some black leggings. I am never the one to dress fancy for school. But ever since I've had aspiration of being skinny I start to care how I look if I at at least look decent.

After I am done brushing my teeth and hair, I put my hair up in a pony tail. My long hair gets in the way a lot so I prefer it up than down. I run down stairs and out the door before my mother can say another word to me.