The Possibilities ( R & R Connection fanfic ) /DISCONTINUED/

Chapter Two: The life I Struggle to hold Onto

The wall must've seem interesting for a person who were to look at me because of how intensely I was staring at it. I wasn't interested in the wall, I just so happened to stare at it. I was only interested on what to do with my life.

I couldn't handle how hard of a hit my wife's death took on my life. I try so hard not to kill myself. I try.. and try.. and try.

Ray has been away from me since it was thanksgiving. He had taken a few weeks off also. I can't handle being away from Ray, it's to difficult. Sighing I soon turned my attention away from the wall and looked behind myself.

Looking over the couch and down the hall I saw that one door. Should I? What about Ray? No... we'll never have anything together Ryan, stop trying. You only a friend.

That last sentence I spoke to myself broke me. I let one tear slip down my face as I grabbed a screw driver and headed to the bathroom. I calmly locked the doors and sighed as I heard the click of the lock.

The light flickered on and I stared at my reflection, not caring about the sudden light that burned my eyes. I looked around the bathroom and frowned, last few minutes here huh?

Looking at the sink I stared at that one item that I could end my life with. It shunned in the light, making me feel as if it was mocking me. With a shaky hand and a teary face I slowly grabbed the razor.

The cool metal feeling reached my hands as I snatched it back and stared at my closed fist. I lifted my other hand and glanced at the screwdriver.

"We're really gonna do this Ryan."

After that all I remember was seeing a blur as I took the razor blade out of the container that held it. I didn't even know I was cutting myself until there was a knock at my door. I internally groaned and hissed as I felt the pain finally make way to my senses.

"Ryan open up man I know you're in there!"

Gasping I quickly hid the blade and put on my jacket. It was Ray. I had to answer it like it was calling out to me. I quickly made my way down the hall and to the door soon opening it to the smaller Puerto Rican.

"So you gonna let me in or not?"

"Sorry bout that. I just thought it was weird that you were here since you should be in New York with your family"

Ray shrugged it off as he sat down on the couch. We stared at each other for sometime before I sighed.

"Want anything?"

He nodded and smiled, "a coke would be nice"

I walked away with a noise of acknowledgment and went to the fridge. Grabbing his coke and me a class of water I traveled back to the room, soon extending my arm with his drink.

"Thanks man!" He laughed as he grabbed his drink soon putting it down and looking at his hand.

I sat down beside him and took a sip of my water before I turned and looked at the male's horrified face.

"R-Ryan?" He gasped looking up from his hand and turning it to me, "is this blood?!"