Flew Right By Love

Quicksand

I couldn't get him out of my mind. As I trotted down the street, not even daring to look back, his eyes, his smile, the easy way my name rolled off his tongue, it was stuck in my mind. It stirred something in me and I didn't know what.

I swallowed hard, the tightening in my stomach returning, a grimace forming on my face. Oh god, I don't really feel so good.

I crossed the street, my throat seeming to contract and for a second I fought hard to breathe. Focus, you need to focus. After a minute of leaning against a tree, my head woozy from all the air I had gulped down in my state of panic, the small panic attack subsided.

My shoulders sagged and I picked up the backpack I had dumped on the grass, feeling immensely tired. But I couldn't go home. At least not until school got out. Maybe I should've stayed.

No, don't even think that.

I cringed as I realized I was going to be the talk of tomorrow. And once again I probably wouldn't be able to handle it and rush off the to a closet. Or the bathrooms like I had to do today. I absolutely despised the bathrooms.

My eyes watered slightly as the wind blew around, picking up leaves and scattering them around. The gentle swoosh of the trees calmed me, seemingly the only thing in this park. I closed my eyes, taking another breath of fresh air, my body relaxing from its tense, cautious position that I always had when I was around people.

If only I could stay here forever. If only I never had to go home. If only I didn't have this disorder. If only I didn't have this fear. If only.

But if my parents had taught me anything at all it was that life didn't stop and wait for you, it would run you over if it could...

Just as I stepped foot onto the path leading into the park, a voice carried from the wind over to me.

"Hey Jade!" I froze, thinking I had made up his voice. I was thinking about him way too much. I continued walking, my head glancing briefly at the sky. I eyed the slightly dark clouds, thinking maybe it was more than overcast today.

"Jade! Wait for me, will you?" My ears must be deceiving me, but nevertheless, I dragged my unwilling body around, barely coming to terms with the fact that the one and only mystery boy was running across the street, backpack in tow.

For a second, I thought for sure he wasn't asking me to wait. It had to be another Jade. And so I turned again, my eyes scanning the park but no other person, or even animal for that matter, was in sight. I turned back around, almost screaming as I came face to face with the guy. I stopped it just in time though, only letting a small peep bubble past my lips. Oops.

I felt my face warm up, then almost instantly cool down as a light breeze blew by.

"Yeah, I meant another Jade," he said with a small grin, his lip pulling up at the corner. My stomach fluttered again as I bit my lip, trying not to appear embarrassed. "I mean, how many Jades are there?" He started walking with me, matching my place.

My cheeks warmed, not cooling off as fast as before. It was like he knew exactly what to say. I watched from the side of my vision as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, his shoes crunching on the leaves as they drifted around, a seemingly lazy merry-go-round of leaves.

"So... I'm guessing you left because you didn't want to face someone else," he murmured quietly, glancing over at me. What I would give to know what he was thinking right now.

His friends probably put him up to a dare. But something told me he was genuine. Also because he didn't laugh when he saw me at my worst during my embarrassing panic attack.