Flew Right By Love

Shelter

Shelter by Birdy is in the media section :)

My breath puffed out in clouds in front of me, the light pole looking over me making my breath visible. As I walked I mused over what I was going to do now. I certainly couldn't just go back home again now; not after what just happened.

I'll have to sleep in the park again.

It wasn't as bad as it seemed, at least I didn't have to fall asleep afraid of my mom tearing down the door or coming in when I slept. She used to be okay, but after what happened... it destroyed her.

Destroyed us.

As I passed by the bus stop I had stood at earlier on in the say I wondered what had happened to the guy. ' "Look, I just need some groceries, my mom's going to kill me if I don't get back soon." '

I was pretty sure he was being metaphorical when he had said that. If I had uttered a sentence like that, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be joking about my mom's behavior. Despite the continuous way my mom treated me, I could never really blame her. I knew why she acted like she did and I understood.

She was hurting.

We were both hurting.

She took it out on me.

I took it out on... me.

As I continued on my way, my face becoming colder and colder with every step I took I realized something. The park was in front of the school. Tomorrow was a school day.

I couldn't stay at the park. What if I didn't wake up early enough when the students on sports team came early for practice? The thought of being discovered made me want to high tail it back to my mom.

No.

I was not going to fall back in her arms again like I always did. Not this time. I turned around in my tracks, a violent shiver hitting my body. Where am I going to go then?

Tears pricked at the corner of my eyes as the thought struck me. God, I was like some poor charity case. A coward roaming the streets with no friends and no people caring at all for me. Tears slowly trailed down my cheeks before I angrily wiped them away.

No. No crying. I had done enough of that already today.

Maybe I could sneak back in through the window, I thought as I started walking again. She'd never know I was gone. A rock fell down in my stomach. I couldn't go back. What if she'd already opened the door?

No.

I should just sleep on the bench. A queen sized bed for losers like you, the voice nagged and I stopped in my tracks yet again. The bench was better than nothing. I had nowhere else to go.

I turned around, my eyes focusing on the bench sitting in the orange lighting, looking cold and rough. A queen sized bed for losers like you. My lower lip trembled.

Nowhere else to go.

****

As I laid down on the bench, thoughts of Keon drifted into my mind, warm and fuzzy. I'd barely met him... yet somehow I felt drawn to him. My stomach tightened with the longing of going back in time to spend those minutes with him after school when he sat down with me in this very park.

Tear after tear slipped down my cheeks, making a thin line of warmth on their way down.

He's going to forget you.

He's won't even remember you tomorrow.

He'll laugh at you and call you an idiot for even "talking" with him.