Demon Slayers

Chapter One

Yo I know I said next chapter on saturday, but I'm bored and just really like this so I'm gonna update now anyways. Do still expect another chapter next saturday but don't be surprised if more come out earlier.

Also, trigger warning, as I joke about topics that may be considered offensive. They do not actually happen, though they are referenced and made fun of. 

With that ado, let's-a-go

*shoots self*

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I woke up. Because that's a normal thing that normal people do. Because I am a normal person. Then I got dressed. Then I ate breakfast. Then I brushed my teeth. Because those are all normal things that normal people do. Because I am a normal person. Besides from the fact that just last week, I realized I had feathery stumps on my back. A few days later I had a glowing circle on my head. (Luckily my ushanka hides it. Go communism!) Those feathery stumps have since gotten larger and larger, and now they're little mini-wings that can flap, but besides that serve no purpose other than aesthetics. Who am I? Well be prepared for a way-too-long expositional paragraph that will describe everything you've ever wanted to know about me, and if you read past the first sentence you are wasting your time.

I am George William Washington, but I'm a piece of shit that could never hope to be compared to the president so I go by Will. Now for the boring part. I am 15 years 3 months, 7 days, 4 hours, 38 minutes, 4 seconds and 69 milliseconds old. I am also a white straight male, (which fitting for the main protagonist in a story about demons!) I am 5 feet 2 and three quarters inches and weigh something idk lol. I have long brown hair that goes down to my shoulders ( that's how you can tell I'm the protagonist) and have hazel eyes. I'm medically diagnosed with ADHD but my mom thinks I'm autistic (thanks, mom). Now you may be thinking, "But that's a carbon copy of the writer, can't you be original?" I have two things to say in response to that. 1: This is a self-insert power fantasy on Wattpad! Do you really expect any real effort? 2: Shhhh, don't say that! He can't know I'm self-aware! If he finds out, I'll be dele-system rebooting. Reboot complete.

Now did you waste your time reading that last paragraph? No? Good! Yes? You just wasted your time, you stupid piece of shit! Anyways, where was I? Ah, yes. Getting ready for my day. I put on my backpack, and then left for the door. Then my annoying-as-shit sister showed up. Luckily I was running late so I didn't have to talk to her. 

"Hey, wait up, you patriarchy loving homopho-" She yelled at me before getting the door slammed shut on her face. Yep, not dealing with that today. (You know, I never thought I would be called a member of the Klan by my own sister as many times as I have.)

I continued out into the streets, thinking about fuck-all, when suddenly my legs were knocked out from under me, and two hands covered my mouth.

"Shhhh....." Came a voice as I was dragged into the back alley. Well fuck, I thought. Guess I'm gonna be late for school. After we had turned a few corners, my captor muttered something, and I was let go. I instantly tried to make a break for it, but then I realized-I couldn't move. The kidnapper kneeled down to face me eye-to-eye. Their facial features were obstructed by a black ski mask, and all I could see of them were scarlet red eyes, and the white skin surrounding them. They had a completely black jumpsuit on, along with steel-toed boots (that of course, were also black.)

"Alright listen up here, bitch. How this is gonna work, is I'm gonna ask you a question, and you're gonna answer. You got that, fucker?" Came a cruel female voice.

"Y-yes." I gulped.

"Good." She pulled out a knife. "Are you George Washington?"

"He died like 200 years ago, are you fucking stupid?"

Then her foot struck my left testicle full force. "Bad answer." 

"Y-yes." I resigned.

"Good. And did you sprout feathery wings last week?" 

"Are you fucking insa-"

"Let me stop you there. Do you want me to break the other nut?"

"Yes."

"Well that's... unexpected."

"No! I mean, yes I have wings!"

She giggled. "And what color are they?"

"Uh... Pink."

"That's fucking gay." She chuckled before speaking some language I didn't realize. Then, I gained control of my body back.

"Glad I found you, Will." She held out her hand as if she was expecting a handshake.

I took it, but was zapped with a strong electric jolt as soon as we touched hands. 

"Hah, get fucked, loser." 

"What the hell is up with you?" 

"Alright, you're probably really confused about why I kidnapped you and all." She began, completely ignoring my question. "The truth is, thousands of years ago, some people saved the world by trying to kill the demon queen. They only put it to sleep and called it a day, fucking over everyone in the future, and now she's waking up. They fact that you have wings is proof that you've been chosen to help save the world. Come with me and you'll get magical powers blah blah blah vague cliche fantasy stuff."

"Fine, I'll come on one condition."

"And what is that?"

"You pay me."

"What? Why?"

"Well first off, I think killing evil monsters and saving the world deserves a reward, but second off, magic cards cost a lot of money, and I can't just quit standard!"

"Fine. Minimum wage."

"I'm saving the world and you're paying me MINIMUM WAGE!?"

"Remember what I said about the other nut?"

"Err... Minimum wage works perfectly, thanks!"

"That's what I thought."

"So... when do we start killing demons?" Then, in perfect timing, a large shadowy figure with red eyes and razor-sharp claws and fangs climbed out of a ominous red portal on the ground.

The girl ripped of her ski mask, revealing dark black hair, and unfolded her jet black wings. "Now."

"Be careful not to cut yourself on that edge." I muttered.

And that's how I got castrated.

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That's it for this chapter! Give it a like and follow me or I will steal your soul, and please put down a comment letting me know what you think so I can improve! I'll try and put out a chapter every Saturday! 

Blub.