Lost Treasures

Nine

ASPEN

We were required to spend an hour each morning praying or reading our Bibles after breakfast. I thought it was kinda weird, to basically force us to have a quiet time, instead of letting us come to it on our own, but maybe it would be good for me. After all, I hadn't spent any quality time with God in awhile.

So after getting my Bible (which I'd neglected on a shelf for many months prior to that day) out of my room, I found my way to a wooden swing not too far from the dorms.

"So...just me and you here, God," I began to pray. I thought for a few moments. "I don't really know what to say. It's been so long, you probably forgot about me."

I paused, feeling guilty and convicted. I knew my relationship with God was not in the right place. Lately I just hadn't cared enough to fix that. But I wanted to get healthier, stronger in my faith.

"God, I don't know why you brought me here," I said, regaining my voice and courage, "but I know there has to be a reason. I really didn't want to, even though it's obvious that I need this. Maybe that's why I didn't want to come, though. I don't like admitting that I have a problem.

"I do, though. You're, like, the God of the universe, and you died for me, yet...I don't spend time with you. And I never thank you for what you've done, or for not... Well, not forgetting about me.

"I just...I mess up so much. I don't feel good enough for you. You're the King over everything; you shouldn't want me. Yet there are so many songs and things that say you do, and that you don't care that I mess up.

"I'm just like, how can that be true? I can't understand—no, I don't understand—how someone could choose me. How someone could love me after I've abandoned them so many times. Surely there are so many people you'd rather talk to..."

I trailed off, not realizing how much I'd been talking. I checked my watch, and twenty minutes had already passed!

I looked around the campus, noticing people under trees and sitting by the fountain and stretched out on the grass. It was all so peaceful.

"God, sometimes I don't understand these situations... Like, so many people are talking to you right now, even just here in this place. I'm sure there are thousands more around the world, and yet, you hear every single one of our prayers. How can that be?"

I heard Him whisper, I'm omnipresent.

I didn't know what that meant, but luckily I had an apologetics study Bible, so I looked up the word 'omnipresent.'

The definition read "present everywhere at the same time; widely or constantly encountered."

I let that sink it. "So basically you're everywhere at once? You hear everything, but nothing runs together? That's honestly... Wow." I'd never really stopped to think about it. I mean, God was such a big God!

"I just feel ashamed, I guess, for never taking the time to get into your Word. I mean, I know I have in the past," I prayed, "but it's been such a long time. It's like, I know the stories, from childhood. But as far as what you're really like? I feel like I don't even know who you are. Maybe that's why I've ignored you for so long...

"I honestly don't know what to read first," I said, looking at my Bible blankly. "Just lead me to something you think I need to hear."

As I waited for Him to reply, I flipped through the pages. I started towards the middle, and landed somewhere in the book of Isaiah.

"Okay, I guess this is where you're leading me," I said to God.

Then, for the first time in months, I began to read the Bible.

"But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says; 'Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you."

I had to stop four verses in because I was already starting to cry. I had never felt God's love like I did in this moment. The Bible said He gave others up for me, that He traded others so He could have me. That made me feel incredibly special, favored, and yet humbled.

It also said that no matter what I had to go through, He would always be with me. He warned me not to fear; and He let me know that I was one of his chosen, that He loved me, and that He called me by name.

"God, thank you for meeting me today," I prayed. "Thank you for showing me where to turn, and helping me find these verses. I really needed to hear them."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and checked my watch. It was now 8:50.

I decided to stop for the day and get myself ready for game time. I wasn't sure what all that entailed, but I could tell you this: I felt much better about the whole camp experience, and I was determined to live with the confidence God had given me.

ISRAEL

"God, this camp is amazing!" I prayed. "I never thought I would be able to go to something like this again. But I'm really glad you brought me here."

On the surface, everything looked fine, and I honestly was happy. I liked my team, and I was grateful to be here, and I was glad Hosea was getting this experience, too.

But I knew that God saw past all of that.

He knew I still hadn't forgiven our old church for what they'd done to my family. I couldn't bear to. After something that bad, you don't just forgive and forget.

Yet, God was always telling us to forgive. Maybe this situation didn't apply there. Part of me wanted to believe it was fine to store this hatred in my heart and never be able to say nice things about that church again.

Another part of me didn't want to believe that God thought differently, that He might actually want me to forgive. I thought He would be on my side, since what they'd done had ruined my family. He was probably so disappointed in them; like if these were Bible times, He'd destroy them like Sodom and Gomorrah. Sometimes I honestly wanted Him to.

But then I remembered that Hosea's family was still faithful and dedicated to go every Sunday, and I didn't want them to die. I still couldn't believe they continued to go to that church after what happened! I knew Hosea had my back and probably wanted to leave. After all, he'd mentioned it a few times.

Ugh, it was like every time I sat down to pray, I thought about that stupid church, and then my focus was off. I couldn't get back to whatever else I was thinking about.

I'd asked God "why" about a million times. I would never understand why that unspeakable thing had to happen. Never, not ever.