Mutual Friends

CHAPTER 40

I just wanted to put a PSA out there about how quickly Blaire is moving on with this entire thing. It isn't to discredit anything that's ever happened to anyone like this situation, but it fits with her personality and previous behaviors. She's attempting to move on as quickly as possible, she's basically blocking out what happened because she's a perfectionist and doesn't want to ruin what she's had planned. I just wanted to put that out there, because in all honesty she does move on very quickly. She just wants to avoid the memories at all cost.

Blaire-

I relaxed on the massage table and the lady kneaded my back. I was oddly sore from the traveling we had done, and I hadn't noticed until she put the slightest bit of pressure on me.

"God this feels so good." Joey moaned as the lady worked on her shoulders.

I hummed in response and tried to let go of the stress I was holding. What had happened in the last 24 hours felt like a dream, but I think that was my subconscious trying to keep me from going into shock. I still can't believe he would even think about doing that to me. 

It all honestly felt like a nightmare to me, and part of me wished it all was. But thinking about it, Dylan coming here and creating a fight between Jacob and I just made us stronger. Jacob knows to trust me, and I know to trust him. It's a twisted way to look at things, but I was just happy Dylan would now permanently be out of my life.

Joey looked over at me as the two massage ladies left the room. "What are you thinking about?"

"It just keeps replaying in my mind." I let out a sigh and tried to relax more.

"Blaire what happened to you was traumatizing, and I'm surprised at how well you're handling it all." Joey sat up and looked at me worriedly.

"I don't know, I just think I'm trying to make myself numb from it all. I know a lot worse happens to people, and I'm not trying to make excuses for what he did. I'm just scared that if I continue to think about it I won't ever stop." I felt a few tears stray down my cheeks. "And I don't want what he did to fuck up the rest of my life, because that's what he wants."

"You're one of the most resilient and strongest people I know. He wanted to make you feel weak and helpless, but you'll move on and it won't be so fresh." Joey gave me a sympathetic smile. "And this week was supposed to be it for you and Jacob wasn't it?"

"Thank you Joey, and yes. I wanted this week to be special for us. I was ready to take that next step with him." I looked away embarrassed. "And part of me still wants that, I don't want Dylan to ruin what I have with Jacob."

"You can still have that special moment with him. You know he's not Dylan and he's not going to force you into something you don't want to do. Don't let that asshole take something so special away from you." She looked at me softly.

"I'm just scared I'll see him and ruin the moment. I know nothing happened, but it was just so close to being a horrible experience." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again.

Joey got up from the table and sat on the edge of mine. "I know it was scary, but you can't let that weaken you. That's what he wanted, was to make you feel worthless, but you aren't." She leaned down and kissed my cheek. "You are the strongest girl I know, and you deserve a perfect night with Jacob."

I sat there and thought about what had happened in the last 24 hours. Would Jacob be willing to sleep with me after all that had happened? I know I sound so dramatic, but I want it all to be perfect. This week was supposed to be perfect. 

I finally got to reunite with my mother and sister, and we were on good terms so to speak. I'm madly in love with an amazing guy that I am ready to give myself fully to.

Joey and I finally got up and got dressed, leaving to meet up with the rest of the group. We walked to the open cabana and everyone was sitting, eating a spread of foods. It was after lunch time, so I was starving. I sat down next to Jacob and he smiled at me, leaning to kiss me on the cheek.

"How was your massage?" He grinned at me.

"It was fantastic." I smiled back at him. "I love you so much Jacob, you know that right?"

He smiled at me even bigger. "Of course I do. And I hope you know I love you to the moon and back babe." He kissed me gently on the lips. 

I sat down and grabbed myself some food, looking around at everyone around me. They were all acting very distant, in an attempt to give me space I'm assuming. It's like they wanted to say something, but were too scared.

Finally Joel spoke, giving me a soft smile. "You okay Blaire?"

"I'm fine I promise, I just don't want it to affect me. I want to remain that strong and brave woman and not the weak one who would let something like that happen to m-me"

Joel interrupted me, "Blaire please don't think that's how we see you. You will always be that person, but it's okay to feel vulnerable, what happened was horrible."

"I-I know but I don't have time for that." I quickly nipped the conversation in the bud.

Joey's mouth opened like he wanted to say something further, but he closed it and shook his head. I knew they were all worried about me, but I was fine, I was the same old Blaire as yesterday. In all honesty, I just didn't want their sympathy.

Jacob nudged me on the shoulder and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Babe they are just concerned, and so am I okay?"

I looked up at him and nodded. The edges of his eyes wrinkled up as he smiled at me. He put his arm around me and pulled me in. 

"We know you're a strong person, but like Joel said it's okay to show those vulnerable emotions sometimes, we just want you to be honest and really tell us if you're okay. Bottling this all up is only going to hurt you in the long run. I love you and I want you to be comfortable enough to talk about things like this." He kissed my temple and rubbed my arm as I closed my eyes.

And at that moment, I knew why I loved the man in front of me. And I knew that I was ready for that next step with him, and it was going to happen tonight.