Cuts / Taekook

iv.

/3rd Person POV/

Jungkook was laying on his bed with a dull expression, and looking at his depressants. Almost about to grab the bottle, but stopped himself. "I shouldn't do it... I'm staying alive for them.." He whispered to himself, and looked of the window, seeing the beautiful sunset slowly going down.

Yet in his eyes, the sun wasn't as vibrant as he remembered, it seemed less colorful. He looked around his room for a moment, his light brown desk turned to a darker color. He realized that everything colorful turned darker then their usual color.

His room had a lot of light colors but they didn't seem as bright as they were. It scared him, but he didn't show any emotion to fear in his face. He slowly turned to the bottle of pills, staring at them deeply.

"Take it all.... Jungkook..."

"You know you want to."

"Shut up... please..." Jungkook said, covering his ears, hoping that they would leave.

"You can't get rid of us that easily."

"Just take the pills... and we'll be gone forever..."

"No... I shouldn't my friends need me..."

"Your so called friends juat pity your ugly ass."

"N-no the-they don't...."

"Do they really? Do you really think they would like your dumb ass?"

"T-they d-do... right..?"

"They don't."

"They are going to leave you sooner or later.."

"SHUT UP.. just shut up.." Jungkook yelled, and grabbed the bottle of pills and threw it to the wall, and the bottle dropped making a small crashing sound. He slowly fell to his knees and started to sob, covering his face with his hand.

Yoongi, Jimin and Hoseok rushed to the maknae's room, seeing Jungkook sobbing on his knees, and the depressants on the floor. Jimin rushed over and bear hugged Jungkook, whispering comforting words.

After a while, Jungkook calmed down, and was hugging Jimin back. Yoongi, and Jungkook wasn't even surprised to see hickeys all over him, he was only in a shirt, that barely covered his dick, but luckily it did cover it. If Jungkook were to see this, he would have covered his eyes and hid, and have blushed like a tomato.

/Time Skip because Author-nim wants to try to fall asleep/

Jungkook looked at his diary... he grabbed a pen, and start to write down how he felt.

I am tired, tired of the thoughts, the battle inside my head, and life in general.

Breathing seem's like a job.
Smiling is something I have to do. Laughing at something, I shouldn't be forcing out.
Waking up because I have to start the day.
Thoughts that I can't control, that are controlling me.
Lying, so nobody worries.
Sentences that have lies.
Scared someone might hurt me. Numb from feeling happiness.
Fear of becoming what I'm not.
Tired of everything.
Sleepy from nights I stayed up.
Dull days are everyday now.
Insults from the voices in my mind. Acting that I feel something, when I should be able to feel.
Questioning why I'm alive.
Wondering if I'm a mistake.
Lies I made, Im starting to believe in.
Believing things that aren't true.
Opposite of what I really mean.
Things I can't tell or write.
Secrets I keep hidden.
Worried someone I care for, notices the things I done.
Happiness is something that's becoming something i barely feel.
Loving myself is hard.

But,

How does someone love someone else, when they can't love themself?

That's the real question in my mind right now.

He sighed and continues to write.

I don't know how much longer I can talk before I end it.

I'm worthless...
I'm nothing...
Nobody will miss me...
If I'm gone they'd be happy...
I just waste space.
Someone can take my place.
Someone who is a better maknae than I am..

I can't even remember them...

I am nothing important.. they know it, and so do I.

They just pity me.. they really don't care for me.

He slowly noticed that there was something wet on his cheeks, it was his tears. He quickly wiped them away and closed the diary, and placed the pen where it was ealier. "I don't think I can take it anymore..." He thought. He heard knocking at his door, he slowly moved there, only to see two letters for him. He grabbed the letters and slowly went back in, closing the door. He opened the first one named, "Read me first!!"

<>

6:09
9.5.18

Dear Jungkook,

I decided to make you this letter, to tell you. I love everything about you, and I want to be there for you. Be the shoulder you can cry on. Tell you that your so beautiful, and amazing. I want you to be happy. I want you to feel love.

~Secret Admirer

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Jungkook was surprised to read these words from his secret admirer. He decided to read the other one.

<>

13:09
9.12.18

Dear Jungkook,

I decided to give you these letters later, because I didn't know if I should or not. I hope your day is amazing. I hope you know you are beautiful, even if your not. I love your cute smile. I love everything about you.

~Secret Admirer

<>

Jungkook was blushing, but he didn't know who he or she was. Which made him pout. He heard everyone celebrating Namjoon's birthday and he was in here, while they had fun. After thinking for a while. He decided to leave his room and join them.

The others were shocked to see Jungkook here, but he saw Taehyung he wanted to go over there and talk to him, but his shyness made that hard. So Taehyung decided to go over to Jungkook and say hi, and that's the beginning of their beautiful friendship.

They were enjoying the rest of the night together. Who would have thought they would be more than friends? They were more like friends with benefits, but both of them wanted to be more than friends, but they were scared to be rejected by the other. Jungkook got more letters from his secret admirer. Jungkook had no clue who it was from. He wanted to meet them, but he was also in love with Taehyung... He wanted to be with Taehyung, but also the other one...

He didn't know who to choose.

<>

1050 words. Hello! I wonder who might be his secret admirer. You just have to wait and see~.

Happy birthday to our amazing leader! Thank you for working so hard to get where you are now!

Also hope everything is okay, and you can always tell me something if something is wrong.

xx bye for now!