Nirvana - Sequel to "I've Always Been Around" (Camren)

Chapter 3: Not Ready

*Lauren's P.O.V*

Camila groaned in both pain and pleasure as I slammed her body up against the wall, rolling my hips into hers.  I attached our lips and her tongue hungrily probed my mouth.  Her fingernails dug into my bare shoulder blades, easily creating rough scratch marks.  I kneaded her ass as her legs wrapped around my body.

I heard the door open downstairs and quickly jumped back from her, letting her crash to the ground.  "Lauren!" Camila yelled, clutching the back of her head.

"I'm sorry, baby." I murmured, helping her up and placing a quick kiss on her forehead.

"You're going to have to tell them that I'm the girl you're in love with at some point, Lauren." Camila crossed her arms over her chest.

I pouted, "I know, I know.  I just don't want it to get weird."

"Weird how?" Camila pressed.  "They already know you're gay-"

"I'm not gay." I growled, cutting her off.  "I just love you, you're the exception to the rule.  Maybe I'm like sexually fluid or something.  But I'm NOT gay."

Camila shook her head, "Fine, they already know you like a girl, how will it make it weird?  You're family adores me."

"That's the thing, I don't want to tell them because they love you.  We've been so close for so long, I don't want their rules and how they feel about you.. about us, to change." I half lied.  To be honest I just wasn't ready for the rest of the world to know.  My close friends and school are enough.  I don't want to be out as.. well what ever I am until I fully know and am comfortable with it.

Camila didn't respond.  She just sat down on my bed, running her fingers through her hair.

"Do you still want to go to the mall?" I asked, changing the subject.

She slowly nodded, not saying anything.

Once she stood she spoke, "I'll meet you in the car."  She brushed passed me and left my room, closing the door behind her.

I fell back on my bed, my palms pressed against my face.  I seriously have no idea what to do.  I'm afraid to be with her but I'm afraid to be without her.  She constantly tells me that she understands the feeling of not wanted to come out and she understands what it's like to be in the process of coming out.  Camila says she's here for me but I really don't think she understands what's going on in my head.  I'm so confused.  Ever since my feelings for Camila surfaced, I haven't been sure of anything.  I don't even know what I like anymore.

*Camila's P.O.V*

Lauren and I arrive at the mall after a very intensely silent car ride.  I wish she would just talk to me, I want to know what's going on in her head.  She has seriously been acting so weird all day.  I wish she would just talk to me.

We made our way inside and I attempted to slide my hand in hers.  As soon as our fingers attach, she slides away.  I try again, this time getting a tighter grip on her hand.

"No." Lauren whispers, trying to get away from me.

I pull her back into me.  "What's wrong Lauren?"

People are starting to look at us, I knew Lauren was feeling overwhelmed.  Before I could act, she yanked herself from my grasp.  "I'm not ready!" She just about screamed in my face and jogged off towards the bathroom, leaving me there among the crowd.

I looked at my feet, not entirely sure what to do next. If I followed her, she could potentially just yell at me more.  If I didn't follow her, she could feel abandoned in her time of need.