When Cherry Blossoms Fall (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Part 1: Winter

Seoul; Present Day

He didn't really like winter. It wasn't the cold he minded or the absurd amount of holiday-inspired products that were being advertised everywhere. It was more about the inevitable loneliness the winter carried with it. Of course, there was always something to make him aware of his solitude, in each season, in each month, in each day; little things like seeing a couple on their first date or noticing two friends as they walked home from school arm in arm. Little things like that were always there, but to Jongin, they seemed so much more prominent in the winter.

He could have blamed it on his choice of career, but modeling didn't exactly make him lonely. In fact, it made him less prone to loneliness--at least it should have. All the people that were around him, constantly telling him how beautiful and stunning and handsome he was, it should have put him at the bottom of the list of people who deserve to feel lonely. But all that attention, from fans, from photographers, from temporary lovers, it was all plastic and based on physicalities. He knew the moment he lost his beauty, whether it be from age or some horrific accident, they'd all flee from his side and give their affection to someone else, to someone more perfect than he was.

So, maybe in a way, it was his job that made him lonely, but it was more like one contribution to it among a million others. He wished he could say he preferred it that way, but he could never bring himself to. Then, that would mean having to become even more aware of the only problem plaguing his otherwise picture-perfect life.

Yet, he couldn't say he was completely lonely. There were a few people he considered to be good enough friends. Sehun was his publicist, although he acted more like his manager with the way he yelled at him and bossed him around. He was always around to lift Jongin up whenever he needed to be, though, which was much appreciated during the particularly low moments in life. Sure, his motivational methods weren't as gentle as they could have been, but they were encouraging all the same.

Taemin was someone he danced with, his "partner" so to speak. Admittedly, modeling full-time didn't leave him much free time to dance anymore, but when he did, having Taemin there with him was a given. He was actually more like his best friend; someone he could count on all the time and seemed to know him better than he knew himself. Whenever he found himself drowning in his feelings, Taemin always called at just the right moment to talk him through his swim back up to the surface. He didn't know how he did it, but it was one of the few permanent things in his life he could count on, so he didn't dare question it.

Then there was Moonkyu, not exactly his boyfriend but more like the guy he called every so often to help him release some of his emotions through sex. It wasn't that he thought Moonkyu wouldn't make a good boyfriend because he did. He just thought he wouldn't make a good boyfriend for him, mostly because he was convinced he wasn't mentally or emotionally stable enough to be in any committed relationship. Moonkyu deserved better than someone like him.

Those were his people: the ones who kept him from going completely insane with loneliness. He found it quite sad how he could count all of his friends exactly on one hand, but he knew better than to complain because if it bothered him so much, he would have already done something about it. But it wasn't like he could do much of anything. His family hadn't spoken to him in years (or maybe he hadn't spoken to them) and he was pretty sure everyone else saw him as an egotistical, fame-hungry playboy asshole who wasn't capable of caring about anyone beside himself. 

He never really thought about any of that until the leaves on the ground began to freeze and disappear, though.

"Jongin! Earth to Kim Jongin!!" Sehun said loudly in an attempt to catch the elder's attention. But he didn't move one inch, just like he hadn't the fifty million other time he tried calling him. He groaned and rolled his eyes, deciding physical force was the only way this fool would snap out of his trance. "YAH!!" he yelled once more, slapping Jongin on the back of the head.