Hey, I'm Sardine Baxter and I'm currently here in Assbitz concentration camp, you're probably wondering how I ended up here, and for you to understand that, I'm going to have to take you all the way back to 25th December 1944...
"Quavo, get down!" Shouted mother, as our chihuahua jumped up at the table scrambling for the last remaining bits of turkey from Christmas dinner.
"Ja, itz not gut fur hund to umm how you say...jump upon ze tablezimmer" father added, combing his perfectly square moustache. I mean seriously? Could he be anymore racist? My brother, Dingo, sat perfectly still, come to think of it I hadn't seen him move since Hanukkah. Wait a minute...why do we celebrate Hanukkah?
"Okayyyy...well, I'm going to go to my room and make sure I'm not Jewish" Dingo spoke for the first time in weeks.
"For ze lascht time Dingo, ve did not castrate you!" Father yelled, with one arm straight out and pointed slightly upwards...he was really starting to remind me of someone. "Besides, mein kinder. Your mozer und I...ve have somethink very important to uhh...how you say...tell you."
"Well spit it out sugar plum" Dingo said like a country bumpkin, father then bent him over the table and spanked him for being gay.
"As you know...I am very very high general lieutenant commander colonel private corporal sergeant major lieutenant general in Shitlers army. Zis means...lovely shirt by ze vay Sardine, and Dingo i love vat you have done vith your uhhh neck rolls." I could tell this was going to be bad because he was trying to butter us up, "zis means...I mayyyy have to movesies to ze concentration campzies and you may have to movesies viz me (✿◠‿◠)"
"No!" I shouted,
"Sardine, please," mother cooed
"NO NO NO NO NO! I've been pigeon mailing this new boy some Polaroid nudes and I just got them back and I really think he could be the one! I am not moving away now,"
"Sardine, you have to try to understand" father pleaded
"What is there to understand? You're a fag for Shitler and you will do anything he asks." I shouted,
"Do not speak about our leader like zat! Shitler has done more for our country zan anybody before him. You are coming vith us vether you like it or not!" A tear rolled down my cheek at the thought of never being able to see Sigmund's Polaroid cock, or at least not until the war ends next year. That's even if I live that long which I may not because if you read on then you will see all the kinds of trouble I get into haha.
"Come on Quavo, let's get out of here." I said.
YOU ARE READING
The Girls in the Striped Negligees
ChickLitSardine Baxter was an Aryan beauty, fair golden locks and eyes of emerald green, some would say she was perfect. Her father was a general in the army making her very rich, she seemed to have everything going for her. That was until they had to move...
