When this novel inevitably gets turned into a film, this is about the point where you'd see a montage of us doing some intense workouts to some up beat 80s music, perhaps Funkytown by Lipps inc, had it been written during the Holocaust, which is when this book is set, hence the concentration camp. Upon further investigation I have discovered that Funkytown was released in 1979, just short of the 1980s by 1 year.
I squatted against a wall as a big line of Jews marched past me into a building with black smoke coming out of the large chimney from whatever was being incinerated inside, the burning sensation I felt in my thighs was probably up there with the most pain anyone had ever felt.
"Fuck!" I moaned, and finally released myself from the squat, pulling out a protein bar from my pocket, I gobbled it up in one. The girls stared with open mouths, drooling, "what?" I scowled, "it's gluten free." I added before powdering my nose.
"We haven't eaten anything but gruel since arriving," Milky began to cry,
"That explains your snatched waists!" I said, downing a protein shake. The girls sneered at me once again, "its a COMPLIMENT!" I growled. Silence. "So what do you think, can you see where he's coming from?" I asked, trying to change the subject
"Where who's coming from?" Said Lola
"You know," I said, they looked back as though to say 'no we don't', for the love of Nuremberg, do I have to spell everything out to these dumb Jews? "The fuhrer" I grimaced.
The girls rolled their eyes and continued with their work out, except Rachael, who stared at me and gave me a subtle nod. I knew she was different to the others, perhaps she was a half blood [1].
I could already notice a difference, in my short stay here at this fun little camp I had managed to starve myself to the point of no longer being hungry. I'd call that a success. And honestly? I think everyone is overreacting, things aren't so bad here. I mean, yes I have thermals on under my uniform and sure I have a nice warm bed and a kitchen full of food to return to every evening, and do I belong to a superior race? Of course! But it's not like they weren't asking for it, you know?
It's not the first time they've been persecuted and it won't be the last if they carry on, but remember what happened last time? Come on, don't you remember? Jesus came down and saved them all? Yes, that Jesus. Well, what if I could do one better? What if I am the second coming of Christ?
Fucking hell. That's it, I'm Jesus but with bigger tits, and this time...no dying on the cross baby. I'm like Jesus 2.0, Jesus is walmart I'm gucci. I'm the girl Jews told Jesus not to worry about. I've perpetually had a feeling there was something special about me, but I always thought it was my none existent gag reflex. Suppose Jesus had that too to be fair, if you read between the lines you'd know that. But now I know my purpose, to save the Jews from persecution...once and for all.
[1] A Half Blood: a person who is half Jew and half normal
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The Girls in the Striped Negligees
ChickLitSardine Baxter was an Aryan beauty, fair golden locks and eyes of emerald green, some would say she was perfect. Her father was a general in the army making her very rich, she seemed to have everything going for her. That was until they had to move...
