Shutterbug (With Vic Fuentes and Niall Horan)

Chapter 10

I ran. I ran fast. I ran away from the venue and away from all the chaos.  every time i wanted to stop, to rest, i pushed myself to keep going.  I don't know why.  I guess it's because if i stopped running i would start thinking.  And if i started thinking i would over think and turn this mess into an even bigger one.  If i started thinking i would find ways to avoid the truth, to ignore the facts.  And if i did that i would just end up confusing myself.  

I kept running, shaking off the weird looks i got as i passed people.  Boy, i must have been a sight to see.  But i couldn't run anymore so i stopped and sat up against a brick wall.  I can't outrun my problems and i've never been one to avoid coming to terms.  I always thought that if you face your fears head on, they won't become fears anymore, they'll become a challenge, and i'm not one to step away from a challenge.  Hell, i have to kill spiders i see in my house because i feel that they're challenging me, and i don't like to be challenged.

My brain, and my body, were exhausted from running.  It took a minute to catch my breath while tears welled up in my eyes.  i threw my head back against the wall, as if to hit the feelings and emotions out. 

Stop crying. i told myself.  Stop crying and take a breath.  I combed my brain for a few basic facts, ones that i could build off of and help me remember the past events.

1. I went on a date with Niall

2. I kissed Niall, and i liked it.

3. I sang with Vic

4. I kissed Vic, or erm, Vic kissed me. No, Vic and I kissed.

I stopped before admitting the next fact.  A wave of regret, and self loath collapsed over me.  I shook my head.  I won't say it.  I can't say it.  It was very obvious to me that i wanted to be with Niall and no one else.  The date last night, it was sweet and fun and i feel like i connect with Niall on a much deeper level.  I took a breath, Lennon, what did i say about avoiding the truth?  I leaned back agaisnst the hard wall and stared straight up at the sky.

5. Vic and I kissed, and i liked it.

My phone buzzed and ripped me from my thoughts.  I looked down at the rectangle in my hand. Niall.  Regret filled my veins as i hessitently pressed answer.

"H-hello?"  I asked trying not to sound too shaken.

"Lennon?"  His voice sounded concerned.  "Lennon, you wern't at the stage, or erm, at least i didn't see you."

i sighed, "Yeah, i know.  Things kinda came up."

A car horn blared in the distance.  "Len, where are you? Are you okay?"

I stood up.  I wanted a relationship with Niall so bad, I like him so much, i can't lie to him.  "I'm about a mile from the venue-"

He cut me off.  "What?! why are you there? Lennon talk to me!"

"Niall, i'll be back in about 20 minutes, meet me by the entrance to the venue, i need to tell you something."  I didn't want to hear him reply so i just hang up and start back in the direction i came.

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I wasn't sure i what i was going to tell Niall.  hey Vic and i kissed, oh yeah and i liked it.  but don't worry, i really like you it's just i've always had a crush on vic so my feelings for him might trump you. sorry.  yeah, no.

Like i said, i wans't sure what i was going to tell him, until  say im standing there, right where i told him to be.  He looked at me with his worried blue eyes.  How could i lie to those eyes?  Those eyes, so deep and thoughtful deserved the truth.

"Lennon!"  He called waving to me from where he stood. He went in for a hug but i stepped back, scared that the feeling of his hug will make me want to change my story.  Change it for his benefit.   "You okay?"  He asked as he sat down on the brick ledge behind him.

I sat down next to him, a safe distance away.  "Vic and i kissed."  I blurted out.  I was going to ease into it but i guess my mouth had other plans.  I didn't look up, i didn't want to see the hatred for me on his face.  But when he didn't speak, curiosity got the best of me.

His face was hard, he was just looking at the ground.  he finally spoke.  "That's it?  you're not going to tell me some story to explain yourself, try to make it seem okay?"

I put my hand on his arm, forcing him to look to me, and when he did i shook my head.  His look questioned why.  "I could give you some long speech about how it was dumb and stupid, how we just got caught up in the moment.  But, if you like me, as much as i like you, you'll trust me when i just say it happened."

he looked at me for a long while, eyes hard and cold.  Different from his usual comforting look.  He looked away and sighed.  Before he spoke again, he grabbed my hand that was still on his arm, i was half expecting him to throw it off .  And that's what he did, but instead of throwing it off he took it in both of his hands.

"i do like you, a lot."  He smiled at me.  "And i respect the fact you didn't hide it from me, even though you didn't have to tell me.  You just showed me how pure you are."  A tear must have fallen down my cheek because he dropped my hand and wiped it off my cheek with his thumb.  "I will trust you."  I smiled and threw my arms around him.  I really did like him, and i in that moment i knew i wanted to be with him.  "On one condition."  he said pulling away from me.  A shiver of fear run up my spine.  I nodded.  "You come to the bonfire with me as our second date."

"I will! I will! I will!"  I said, pushing our lips together. as he pulled me closer.