Tino's Word - Past and Present

part three

warning, mentions of substance abuse, homophobia and light child abuse

If something is not accurate please tell me. 

It was so warm outside, you could fry an egg on the sidewalk, for real. Ohio freaking sucked sometimes. It sucked even more than usual when you lived in a small Republican town on a fucking farm.

So mostly it sucked. Or did, until the summer Lukas moved in "next door." But like, four miles away because again, Matthias lived basically in the country. Maybe not four. Maybe half a mile. Whatever.

There was a lot of gossip, especially amongst teenagers. A lot of people were saying he was really weird. There was never anyone new. He had never met the guy, but Matthias liked weird. When you lived in a small midwestern town, weird was a really good thing. Weird was good because when you're queer in a conservative area, you're weird. Everyone knows you're weird. You're just intrinsically weird. Sometimes you look really cis, and even very, very straight passing, but you're still weird. From a young age you're alienated–people stop becoming friends with you when you're weird. After a while you figure it out–you're gay, you're trans, you're aromantic–and you hate yourself, but then you find your people. It's cake after that. Well, kind of. Minus actual homophobia and internalized homophobia. But cake, right? Everyone loves cake.

It was very often someone would say something homophobic or sexist or whatever at school, and his mother would say something racist at the dinner table regularly. Matthias couldn't say much. If he did his mom would probably leave the room and turn on Fox News instead of listening to him.

Matthias couldn't quite believe his luck when his mom mentioned their new neighbors. She was weird-averse, and not only did teens gossip, but moms did as well.

Matthias's mom looked at him from across the breakfast table, and said one quiet morning, and said, "Matt, how would you feel if we had our new neighbors over? I'm sure you'd love to meet them–I talked to Ms. Bondevik on the phone, and she has a son your age."

He nodded, and said, "Yeah, of course."

She smiled as she stood up to call Ms. Bondevik back.

Lukas looks at Matthias from across the room. Matthias is leaned back in a reclining chair, holding his phone in his right hand. He was scrolling through Twitter. Matt was always scrolling through Twitter. "What are you doing?" Lukas asked, even though he already knew.

"I have witnessed so many memes with these eyes, Bondevik," Matt said tiredly.

"Give me your phone," Lukas said, his hand outstretched, beckoning the cellphone. He knew Matthias had had entirely too much screen time. He was like this whenever he had to correct more math tests than what was healthy.

He grumbled and handed over his phone. "I was talking to Maarten," he protested, but knew he had already lost. Lukas gave him a look. Not even talking to Maarten was a good enough excuse for Lukas.

He predicted Matt would become either grumpy, somewhat belligerent or reserved and depressed if he kept idly fiddling with his phone like that. Matthias was a drunk without liquor when it came to his phone. Only three people in Matt's life actually knew it, Lukas, Bella Coppins and Maarten Maes. Lukas was fairly sure that Matt would resort to either alcohol or drugs during his lifetime, but despite his confidence, Lukas sincerely hoped he was wrong. Lukas saw himself in Matthias, and perhaps it was just a little bit frightening watching Matt's shit show and feeling like that would be him in a decade.

Twelve years old and depressed, probably like Matthias. Lukas had never asked, it always seemed sensitive to him. They were all too similar to each other. Lukas supposed Maarten was as well–no father, weird family situation, unclear mother relationship, the great possibility of alcoholism. It was not often that either of them drank. It was easy to see how both of their habits could go downhill, though.