memories are a funny thing
sometimes they're good
sometimes they're bad
it's like a movie that you know all the words to
and you know how it ends
but mine are different
it's like a kaleidoscope
flashes
bits
pieces
but the thing is
it's only from 2015 onward
everything else is like a movie
it's like broken glass
some pieces are bigger than others
those pieces are the mental breakdowns
the control I was under
the stress I was under
they're killing kids
people often ask me how I got the problems I have today
it's from them
they caused it
they're the #1 source
they caused my mental health to deteriorate
they caused my physical health to deteriorate
they were killing me
then there are the smaller pieces
those pieces are the parties
those pieces are him
those pieces are the room spinning but me dancing anyway
those pieces are the drama
the meaningless drama
gosh
I wish I could talk to me from back then
So many things would be better
I wouldn't hurt all the time
I wouldn't struggle with what I struggle with
i wish I could tell me that that drama is meaningless in a year
how you called a girl out on her ego wouldn't matter
how that screaming fight in the gym would mean nothing
how you being placed in a different math class would only help you
how you taking latin opened up so many opportunities and that it's not something to get bullied about
how that clique wouldn't matter
But I wish I could tell myself what did matter as well
how one day
and one text
would cause your life to spiral out of control
how you would be destroyed
and how you would have to become strong in yourself
I wish I could tell her that
maybe things would be different
but I can't
And they are the way they are
