Why does everything feel hopeless?
I looked out into the field of corn.
What's the real reason of living? I have no pleasure from this life of mine.
I slowly but surely, picked up my tools, and started my long walk out onto the field.
-
I've been picking corn for what seemed like eternity. I looked up and the sun was beginning to come up. Wow. Have I been out in this field for that long?
My head started to spin for a second.
All of a sudden, I collapsed onto the floor.
I see a figure running towards me.
God?
Nope.
It was Taehyung.
He didn't say a single word to me. Instead, he held me up, while bringing a water bottle to my chapped lips.
I don't know why but in this moment, he looked very surreal. His face just looked perfect and really handsome actually.
He then stuffed some fresh bread into my mouth.
It seems as if he was an angel saving my life or something. An angel that doesn't speak.
Look at Taehyung's sad face reminds me of my parents. Why did they have to abandon me? Why did they leave me nothing but scares that will never go away. Tears were not fighting not to fall at the corner of my eyes.
I snapped back to reality when Taehyung was trying to help me stand up steadily.
I was about to fall to the floor again, when his arms grabbed my back, enticing us into a hug.
Everything felt like a blur.
He was piggyback ridding me all of a sudden.
And then I was on the bench outside again.
He started fanning me and telling me to drink more water.
After several minutes I started to "feel" better.
Who am I kidding? Snce when have I ever felt something. I'm only surviving this long because it's a rule that I have to live. I don't even want myself, how could have my parents possibly wanted me.
I started laughing for some reason.
I can't feel anything. I'm always sick.
Sick of all this bullshit.
Sick of myself.
Sick of being sick.
I then whispered a," Thank you" to Taehyung. While I stood up, and began walking back out to the field.
He then grabbed my wrist.
"Im sorry," he said in a small voice.
I don't know why. But those 2 words were very foreign to me. It made me feel emotions I can not explain. I have never felt before.
Why was he sorry?
"Why are you sorry?" I asked. I was afraid of the answer. I don't know why but I was just afraid of hearing the truth.
"Just because." He then turned away from me and started walking towards the house.
Was he sorry because he can't help me? Or was he sorry that I was suffering more than him? I have questions.
I then shook the thought off.
No one. No one in my 22 year of age, has ever tried to help me. The society I live in, everyone is just trying to fiend for themselves.
I have to keep pushing.
I know.
I can handle it.
I know I can.
I fucking have too.
That's all that I ever known of.
But I then took one last look of him from behind before I turned around and finished my last 2 batches.
