It was 9:33 pm and the door was swung open, indicating that my husband was home from work.
He must've had a long and hard day at work because he came charging after me.
"Because I have a wife like you!" He grabbed my hair and threw me down towards the floor.
Immediately, Taehyung came running over and shoving my husband away from me as hard as possible.
My husband looked stunned.
Taehyung than stood in front of me with his arms extended out wide, showing that if my husband wanted to get to me, he would have to get through him.
"Oh wow.. I thought that was a one time thing, if you keep trying to defend her, then I might just kill you both."
I knew what he was thinking. He was a maniac and he wanted to die. But what he didn't know was that I was crazier than he was.
I then shoved Taehyung away from me.
"I don't need you!" I hissed and flared at Taehyung.
He was shocked but then obeyed and strayed walking away.
The first time my husband has ever heard me talked back to anyone.
This made my husband even more mad, he then kicked me in the stomach with full force.
I then laid on the ground crutching my stomach area.
—
I was now laying on the floor with no pillow while my husband was fast asleep on his bed.
I'm so tired.
I took this time to reflect. Because most nights I can only sleep up to 3 hours at the most.
I'm so confused.
I've been so hurt to the point I can't feel anything anymore.
I cried. Oh how many nights I've spent on this floor crying, I have lost count.
I'm so disgusted with myself but mostly my husband. I'm so fucked up in the mind. But this past week, I have actually felt something. I've felt concern for another human being. This feeling was very foreign to me.
I've never genuinely cared about anyone or anything. To be honest, no one has ever interested me enough. Because I can barely handle myself. If I don't learn to love myself how can I learn to love others?
But no.
I came to terms with it.
I am interested in someone right now.
He probably doesn't care about me or himself but I do. I care about him because he needs love more than anyone right now. This is not a love confession. I just want to get to know him as a friend.
No one has ever made me feel this comfortable and excited before. I just hope he feels the same way. As in, like wanting to be friends with me, of course.
What the hell am I saying right now?
Ugh I make everything worse.
In this moment, I needed to go to the restroom to urinate.
I stood up and slowly tip toed to the restroom. I walked pass Taehyung's room, and to my surprise he wasn't there. He's usually at least in his room.
Sometimes I see him just sitting in his chair in the dark, staring out the window. I guess he's not feeling it today.
